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It came up today, in a forum, what is my fear. Its plagued me since. I am a screw up, something close to a professional at it. I will always get to that point where my next decision will make me great or leave me in the gutter, and somehow I manage to end up in the gutter.
I know what it is, I learned a long time ago, I'm scared to death to succede. I cant bring myself to become more than mediocre. It's so hard just being decent at life, how much harder would it be if I became great at it, and on top of that would people expect more from me? Could I give them more? I am a screw up. It hurts to fall on your face from this little hight that I'm on, how much more from way up there.
Sure I'm being a bit melodramatic, and possibly neurotic, but I'm truly scared. I write and have been for years, I write well (or at least better than most around here) but I will never try to do anything with it. Erin took some of my poems and short stories and was going to have them published at her college, some periodicle or something, but I freaked out.
I can never be more than good at it, because as soon as I am, I will turn it into nothing.
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Posted by tonyrayhutchison on 2007-12-12 22:14:31 | Rating: | Views: 96
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