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| it still hurts to breathe
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It's at night and in the mornings when I hurt the most, when if I wasn't affraid of hell, I'd rather die, when the ghost of my beloved(?) haunts me. At night, no matter how tired I am, no matter how beatin and abused my body is, no matter what I do the second I close my eyes I see her. The butterflies in my stomach are a constant, but laying in that bed at night it feels like my guts want to come out.
And in the morning I wake, with her name on my lips. This is no exageration, I can feel her with me, and I die all over again.
I've been keeping myself busy, I went and finished some prep stuff for the school yesterday. I even found a half way decent job. I ran into an old friend (not that kind, dont worry missmarie) and we had a few laughs. Had dinner with my mom, and went home. but Tiffanie was all I could think about when the busyness of the day was over.
I know in time I'll get over this, hell in truth I can see how bad us being together would be(after all, would she up and leave the next time a little bad happens in her world of good). I know that eventually I will find another girl, who's eyes sparkle, who's smile sings, and I might even fall in love again someday, but that doesn't tell me how to stop loving her, or how to lose this pain.
It's morning yet again, and self pity doesn't suit me, so I believe I'll leave you with this, I am doing good. I will be doing better. And this is the best I can do right now.
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| Blog Comments
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take all the time you need sweetheart, and hey all i do is worry about you x
i love you honey xx
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Posted by missmarie
on 2008-04-23 10:53:50
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I offer you this, my friend. Of all the loves I have had and the pain of losing each, after time I managed to move on. I still have a degree of love for most of them, and always will. It's not a matter of stop loving, it's a matter of learning to love another. Baby steps, my friend, and glad to hear you're doing ok. :)
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Posted by spiritualcoma
on 2008-04-23 12:38:28
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I know exactly how you are feeling....life just plain sucks sometimes. And I think that you never really stop loving someone....you just learn how to live without them.
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Posted by nakedtruth
on 2008-04-23 19:41:00
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i agree with nakedtruth, here. Once you've loved you cant stop...i dont think the pain of not being with them goes away either, i just think you get used to it after a while. That sounds sad, i know! :) But good to know you're doing ok...just hang in there. Im only being sour..it will get better :)
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-04-24 06:14:00
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I have learned that you feel things less with time and that is why time heels wounds. My best friend use to say that the only way to get over someone was to start seeing someone new. After you have heeled some, the new person will help you forget the last one.
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Posted by prelude2it
on 2008-04-24 12:40:15
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thank you all for the comments and well wishes. I'm sorry to dump my private life in the laps of complete strangers, but this helps to let the hurt go ,and believe it or not, when I read such caring comments, it lets me know, that no matter how hurt I am ,I really am not alone. I thank you all so much.
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Posted by tonyrayhutchison
on 2008-04-25 01:01:42
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you arent alone tonyrayhutchison. Can i just call u tony? Its a long name :) You dont need to say sorry. All the posts here help someone or the other realise that there are others who hurt just the same. There is always someone who can identify with your posts. There is always someone taking courage and strength from your words. So keep inking (typing) the words...and it'll help you let go. Good luck!
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Posted by angelwings
on 2008-04-25 02:30:50
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It hurts. Lordy, I know. But it will get better, and you will get happy again. But it still hurts now.
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Posted by mymidlifecrisis
on 2008-04-25 18:34:02
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| Views: 146
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