Yesterday night I went to the movies. I didn’t go alone. I don’t drive after all. Yet another fear in my life. However that isn’t what I came to update about. I just merely wanted to mention something that was and is on my mind. I went to the movies as said. I went to watch Juno. I thought it was a really good movie. I saw it with Neo, Daniel, and AJ. We hadn’t really gone out anywhere together in a long time. Sure we’d gone to the grocery store recently all together and maybe a few times before that. Yet not to something as the movies. It was different and it was comfortable. Familiar too. So the movie. It made me think. It was about a young girl who gets pregnant and in turn has to tell her boyfriend. Both are young kids in high school. It seemed comical and while it turned out to be comical it also in turn was thoughtful and sweet. I liked it. A lot. Plus it made me think of my recent pregnancy “scare” and that’s the thing. While at first I was scared I also turned out to realize I couldn’t bother being scared and worried which then made me realize how I did actually want the baby. I knew it wasn’t t he right time per se, but that it was meant to be to have the baby if that be the case. I knew I would love the baby and it actually made me cry to think about it. This brings me now to something else…relatable to this. I got my period and while I was kind of relieved I mostly felt disappointed. Sad. I had wanted a piece of Neo. I had wanted that baby after all. Not only because I just did but because somehow I could give that baby a different life than the one Neo had had. Heh. I could go into that but it goes back to a conversation that he and I had that actually brought tears to my eyes. Long story short. He told me about his life. Not everything mind you but stuff he remembered and just stuff. Because I had wondered how he got to becoming the person he was. So unfeeling, cold, asshole like and that’s when he told me about his life. Heh. I guess I got more into than I thought, but as far as details go I suppose that’s what I really meant. That’s all I have to say on that. Yeah, so. I wanted a part of him, something we created together, because of that,and because I just wanted him there with me, Neo, in some manner. If not , he himself. Heh. Silly I suppose, but when you love someone as I have. You would get it. After all, I suppose I’m still in love with him too. Sigh. Anyways. It’s funny how life is isn’t it? You think one thing and then…something happens…and I really thought somehow emotionally I wouldn’t have been ready to have a baby but somehow I think I would have been okay. That, I thought, was lovely. More than that, a miracle and a blessing in itself. And now, I’m sad … in my own way.. because I won’t have that baby. Anyway… Night for now..