| View Blog
|
|
|
|
| She's left |
Well wife left today. We had problems in the past and she has left and come back several times but always in the middle of the night when I went to work. I asked her to do it this time with me there. It hurts like hell but I know it is for the best. I will still talk to her and see her because I have a daughter that she is very much attached to. So she will be coming to get her on weekends from time to time. I am so in love with her, but I like her feel some releaf. I don't know if I'll ever get over her though. We actualy got married twice. She took my last name. We still have a bank account to close and domestic partnership papers to disolve and depending on how prop 8 goes possibly a divorce. I am a recovering alcholic and damn it I want a drink so fucking bad I can taste it. But for now I'm sober. It's funny how when people fight it's so much harder to let go but when you talk and be adults the pain is the same maybe more but it's easier to deal with. I have been known to jump into a relationship again rather quickly in the past but that never works so I am going to do my best to not try to bury my broken heart with false feelins and intentions. I did that with her and I fell for her hard but hurt her. We tried but sometimes love just insn't enough. I will love her probably forever and I wish her the best but I am still dying inside. I know it goes with the territory. It was really hard because she had so much stuff she had to call her parents to come so I had to deal with them we were pleasant to each other but it killed me because they never approved so I know they are probably gloating. I am spinning and my head is racing and I'm shaky all over but I still know we did the right thing. asked her to stay that we could go to councling and I would try to communicate better (not one of my strong points) but she said no that she would be staying for the wrong reasons. She said a part of why she came back was to keep me from drinking that hurt it made me feel so low. I kinda understood and even appreaciated it but I was so mad and hurt because that is not a reason to be with someone. She used to beable to say she was in love with me now she can't. She loves me and I belive it but not in love with me. She however said that most of her was in love but there was a small part that she said she wasn't sure that she couldn't tell the differnce any more between love and being in love. I felt that way in the begging so as you can see karma has a funny way of biting you back in the ass even when you weren't doing it to be cruel. Life is an intersting board and we are the pawns and it is one big game. Sometimes you win some times you loose. I will keep God clsoe to me and of course my daughter. Who does not know yet. I will tell her after she gets home and does homework. Something my wife did with her. Fuck this sucks. I have cried my eyes dry and feel so empty. I know we both eventualy with move on and it's comforting but very scary.
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| Views: 33
Email This to a Friend 
