food consumption for the past week:
monday: apple
tuesday: grilled (fat free) cheese and veggies
wednesday: apple
thursday: nothing
tomorrow: ?? who knows

cw: 95.5lbs
gw: 90lbs


mhmm
anyways
i get to see my bf today i can't freaking wait ahhh. lolol.  gahd i wish he didn't live so far away.  but i'm super exicted to see him.  i'm bringing vodka to his house.  wooo. fun fun.  can't wait. heheheh

..so i'm wearing my size zero american eagle jeans.  they used to be tight on me.  but now they fit baggyish.. and i can't say i'm happy about that.  because they kinda look like crap now =[ ...but i don't feel sick like i used to.. when i suffered from anorexia last year.. i recovered over the summer.. but now.. this horrific eating style has come back and i don't see a way to stop it.  my stomach feels bruised.  but i have no appetite.  ..no desire to eat.  i don't believe i am suffering.  i don't feel sick.  i'm in a rather good state of mind and i'm pretty happy with how everything is going.  i have an awesome bf.  and me and tay have gotten so much closer.  my school life is getting back on track.  and my relationship with my family has greatly improved in the past couple weeks.  and my body is dying.  but that's ..my only down fall.  my hips bones and ribs are clearly defined.  and i had trouble sleeping last night because my stomach hurt so bad.. but i wasn't hungry.. but it ached.  and my hip bones jabbed into my matress.. surprisingly ..it hurt.  how can it hurt? ..it's a soft matress.. i just don't understand.  ...i got up a couple times in the night and felt like i was high.  i'm high off lack of nutrition.  i'm light headed and weak, and ditzy.  and i feel like i could colapse at any minute... that feeling is almost.. satisfying.  because.. i know that i hate myself.  i've always hated myself.  and doing something like this ..to myself.. almost satisfies the hate i have built up for this disgusting person i've become. 

drugs, alcohol, anorexia. 
my life
my death