To be fair, we have changed as parents and as children, frowning upon the duties of both as archaic and out of tune with the realities of modern life. As globalization uproots us from our towns and villages and we find refuge and nourishment in wealthier parts of the world, more and more parents and grandparents are left behind as yesterday’s burdens. Then we go ahead and abandon our children as well in the hands of strangers as if the future too is an awesome load that we cannot suffer. The list of our essentials keeps getting longer and fathers and mothers scramble through life trying to make both ends meet. With recession, we have started running to remain in the same place. Have we the time to reflect on the price that we will have to pay eventually? Have we failed on both counts, as parents as well as children?
Can there be hope of affection and solace from our children when we need them later in life? Should we brace ourselves to reap the fruits of our actions? Are we so confident of our ability to wade through life alone, enjoying a life lived on our own terms, uncompromising and ‘free?’
Generation gap exists. It is achingly difficult to deal with divergent views, to take into account another opinion, to be bright and sweet in the face of unbridled criticism and unsolicited advice. The tussle of egos wins in the end and we cannot bear another harsh word and flee from the scene. Can parents and children really co-exist? Is it a myth, we wonder? We yearn for freedom. Do we gain it by reneging on our responsibilities?
Then there is the spiritual angle. All religious texts encourage us to be good to our parents. In Islam, even a look of displeasure is disallowed when dealing with them. In Hinduism, we have to touch their feet. Why should we humble ourselves so?
It is because in that poignant surrender alone, our souls can rise to the greatest heights they can soar to.
We might go looking for the biggest charity to donate our contributions to. We may boast of volunteering to serve in the community kitchen. Without having shed our pride and egos at the altar of our homes, we gain nothing. What better way to cleanse our souls than with the service of our parents? They know our every fault (and often not too shy about revealing that either!
). Here is the opportunity for us to grow, to learn the first faltering steps of gratitude. If we can be with them in the same room, listen to all that they can say patiently without the slightest irritation in our hearts, then we have conquered greater heights than the Himalayas. I am not saying that we have to obey everything that our parents say or fulfill their every whim and fancy. We can always disagree politely. Parents have their faults too. They make mistakes all the time. They may be the worst human beings, sometimes having hurt us more than anyone else. There could be a drug problem, alcoholism, incest, harassment, torture, etc. but if we can find it in ourselves to forgive and deal with them kindly and justly, then we can heal ourselves first and foremost. If that opportunity has gone and your parents have passed away or they are so dangerous that it is not advisable to be in their company, you can still let go of the hurt in your hearts even while keeping away physically and be on the genuine path to recovery. The biggest hurdles are sometimes right in front of us but they could prove to be the greatest boons too if we can just accept our responsibilities bravely.
]]>
For me the first step to that was to seek refuge in God and by his grace observe my thoughts like a witness. During this process, we will be able to 
