Well, I don't have much time to blog. But I feel the need to just get a few things out.
As eluded to in the title... I feel kind of different. Not different in the way that I once assumed I would upon my college graduation. Motivation is seriously lacking. I remain unemployed and the searchig process is truly taxing. I get this overwhelming sense of dread even when talking about a job. I've started to doubt that I'll be happy in the field that I once dreamed of working in.
I'm not convinced that I'm feeling this way because of fear - fear to "grow up" or "enter the 'real' world." I still want that. And it's not even that I don't want the responsibility.
Right now, I have this very clear image of me coming home from work, walking into a house/apartment/condo/some kind of living space, putting my keys on the counter and taking my heels off. The weird thing is that the image isn't me. I mean, it is me... but it's me right now. Even physically things are different. I'm content with living alone and in a way I find peace in it. And I take pride in my accomplishments.
Clearly, this is not where I am right now. It's like the opposite of me. I'm just extremely discouraged right now.
I've always thought that "aura" colors are kinda wack. I categorize that kind of stuff with most superstitions and things of the sort. Anyway, if the aura thing is legit, I'm sure mine would be the darkest/muddiest/ugliest color right now.
Most of the time, well... when I'm around people my mind is easily averted and I'm in a better mood. Get me alone and I'm sure to be on the verge of tears at least....
Shit, my sister is here to pick me up.
Hope you've all been well happy and healthy.
Love,
TAN
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