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| My Life, My Story, I Believe...Part Eleven
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They say that God has a " plan " for everybody. If that is in fact true, then whoever put together my life plan should be fired.
Everyone in my life that I loved since the age of eight has been taken from me when I needed them the most. I've had two wives that put together wouldn't up add up to much. I have three sons, that have no time for me. I have two grandchildren who think I'm dead. So what do I really believe in ?
I believe that if there is a God, then he's put me on this earth to just see how much I can suffer before I decided that living is not worth it at all.
I believe in a " higher power " but this God that I grew up learning about is not as forgiving or as loving and kind as I heard He was. At least, not to me.
I believe that with so much pain out there in the world, how can " God " just let it all happen and do nothing ?
I believe that I was not or ever supposed to be truly happy or at peace.
I believe that my mother should be made a "saint ".
I believe that friendship causes pain. That's because any friends I've ever known, has cause me so much pain.
I believe that I will end my days alone and unloved.
I believe that even though I've managed to survive everything thrown at me so far, there is going to be one battle that I won't survive.
I believe these feelings I've having about wanting to join my mom and dad will over power me and I will hurry the process along.
I believe my whole life has been one " huge mistake ".
And, I believe that the next part in my story will be my last.
so until I blog at you again,
take care of yourselves,
and each other........templar
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Posted by templar_knight on 2008-04-07 05:38:33 | Rating: | Views: 140
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Okay!!! Thanks for that...Your life has been real crazy.
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Posted by mcostilla2010
on 2008-04-07 09:05:07
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Well Mr. Knight... I've toyed with this idea of responding, not knowing whether you'd be upset if I did or not but I have to respond as there a couple of things I want you to know and hopefully understand. I hope that your writing this will allow you finally some peace of mind. All you have done and been through have brought you to the man you are today. You are a loving and caring man. You may think everyone is leaving you but can I tell you that I am not going anywhere. My heart, mind and body belong with you. My kids love you and they love you more for making their mother happy. I don't want you to ever stop hoping that some contact with yours will be made because no one can tell you what the future holds. I know you're sitting there shaking your head now, if it happens it happens but don't stop loving them. As for the fear I will leave .... it's not going to happen, not now or ever. We are together for the remainder of our lives. We have places to go and things to see ... together!!! I think posting this is just as good as saying I Do!!! I love you!!!
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Posted by shycher
on 2008-04-07 14:47:26
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Wow! i knew exactly what i was going to say til i read Shycher's comment, she is one lucky lady to hold the heart of such a good strong man, and you clearly hold her heart too.
I was going to say, write letters to your son's and grandchildren that they will recieve after you have passed on, perhaps these letters should contain your story, perhaps a simple explanation of who you are and how things ended the way they did,tell them you love them very much, you may get some peace just from writing the letters and knowing that one day they will read them.
You have got this far, through some of the worst experiences one person can have, don't hurry it along please, it seems you have something or someone to stick around for, take a new lease of life, look at the world for the beautiful place it is, and let the past go, just for long enough to appreciate what you have.
i enjoyed reading your story, it tells me what a wonderful man you are, hugs Templarnight, the noble templarnight x
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Posted by missmarie
on 2008-04-07 16:03:18
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templar,
Life is not meant to be easy, or meant for more pain to one and not others..reading your Ladys respond, I think life is going to get better for the remainer of your days with her at your side. Love her with all of your heart and remind her daily what a treasure she is for putting up with you.....
Don't hang on to your past, learn from it and grow to love those who are not in your life at this moment....
shycher, thank you for loving this man with all your heart and just know that he really has inspired us all to look inward to find our real selves...
Hugs and love to you both...
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Posted by Hollis
on 2008-04-07 18:59:16
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Right now your past is overwhelming you, but hold on in there templar, life WILL BE, IS... worth LIVING!
Sycher so obviously loves you with all her heart as you love her. Set aside your doubts and the hurts from past relationships... they weren't her... she's a beautifully unique lady who has told you right here for us all to see, just how much you mean to her... that she wants to spend all her days with you. BELIEVE HER. BELIEVE IN YOUR ABILITY TO OVERCOME, and LOVE HER.
I believe... that you have been sent an Angel to guide you. Hold her hand and let the past fall away.
Look, I've had a number of attempts at getting off this planet, and each time an Angel has pulled me back. If we're not meant to go, then there's nothing we can do that'll get us gone.
You have a loving life ahead of you, grab it with both hands and live it. xx
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Posted by Merlyn
on 2008-04-08 10:25:13
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It only takes one person to make life worth living...sometimes it is only yourself and sometimes you are lucky to have that special someone...you know she is there. You know what it is like to lose someone there is no doubt about that. You are a great person and nobody ever deserves your kind of pain....that goes for her too. You don't want her to feel that do you? Hold her close...life is already too short as it is!
XOXOX
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Posted by Squoosie
on 2008-04-09 15:28:17
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