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today I got a letter from the state saying they wouldn't help to pay for daycare...after all the heartache it really isn't even worth me going back to work...I should have just stayed home with my kids. It's so much money, plus with my little brother in law living with us who is a diabetic, I have to make sure that certain foods are in the house.
I don't have much time for my kids, my husband, or really much of anything. I'm about to go and take a bath and I asked that my husband come up and just talk to me. I don't think it would hurt for him to spend ten minutes of face time with me... but he said that he didn't have anything to say to me, just wanted to have sex with me. my heart just keeps breaking. I know it isn't right for me to be feeling so resentful towards my marriage but I do. I'm so mad that I'm married to someone who doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't really value my opinion or my company, he is only interested in spending time with me if he gets something out of it- a foot rub, sex, something. I can't remember the last time he snuggled me, or talked to me about something that would be of interest to me and not him.
don't get me wrong. I'm very fond of him. I wouldn't dream of leaving him, I really want to make this work for my kids...but I think the only way that I can do that without constantly getting hurt is to shut down emotionally and I don't think that's fair! I've been through this before and I can't handle it. I don't know how to talk to him about it, because everytime I bring up our relationship and how I'm not really happy with the way that I've been treated he just says "this is why I don't ever want to talk to you, all you do is complain" there are less waves if I just not talk about my feelings.
I'm really frustrated and scared about the money thing and that could have alot to do with my mood...oh well I guess I'll go take a bath. |
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Posted by teckisha on 2008-01-24 23:14:43 | Rating: | Views: 116
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I think you should try to take some time away from him, so he can realize what he has. Try to use another form of communication. Write a letter so he can't cut you off. Express to him exactly how you feel, if he still is nonchalant... then I don't know. It is important for your spouse to care about your feelings too.
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Posted by Charisma2
on 2008-01-25 00:56:17
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I have tried to email him and talk to him...but again he just thinks I'm growling at him all the time. I just want him to care-I know that sounds a little selfish. A long time ago I was a cutter, and I'm fighting those same urges now, I need to be more responsible than that for my kids,,,I just want to feel like I'm doing something about it.
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Posted by teckisha
on 2008-01-27 12:04:49
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