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Gripping Fears
I think everyone at one time or another in life has had some type of fear just grip them right down to the core of their being. The kind of fear that makes the hair stand on your neck, your breathing get harder with each breath, and your whits stand on end. I am talking about the kind of fear that impacts you for life, and it takes a great deal of praying, and determination to overcome.
I remember one such fear. There was a time as a child, I lay in bed. It was the middle of the night when everyone, and everything else was a sleep. The house was dark, with only a hint of lights from the streetlights outside. If I listend closely I could hear snoring from other rooms in the house.
It was then, I felt such fear that I had never known in my life. I turned over to face the door and there it was. There in the door was a very big, very tall person. I could only make out the shadow. The lights were so dim, I couldn't make out his face or anything else.
As I lay there in bed, I realized if I did anything, he would know. I wondered what would happen if it knew I was a wake? Would it hurt my mom and dad? How about my dear brother? I only knew one thing, I must be very, very still. He can't find out that I am awake.
I lay there in bed, cautious of every move that I make. I worry about my breathing. I knew I had to breathe from my stomach. If I didn't he would hear me, and it wouldn't sound like I was sleeping. Then he would get us. Someone would get hurt, at least something bad would happen.
Breathe from the stomach only ... No, don't move, you can't turn over.
Wooo, it's hot. I got to turn ... no, can't.
Breathe in, Breath out ....
I layed there for what seemed like hours. What, and why would anyone want ot stand in my house in the middle of the night? What would they want from inside? Who are they after? Me? I've kept all the secrets.
I"m sure they are after mom or dad. That's got to be it.
Shhh, don't breathe through the nose ... not good..
I layed there for hours on end, at least it felt like an eternity, careful of every breath I took. I was careful not to turn over. I layed there for so long my body ached from not moving.
I think I finally fell a sleep from .... exhaustion.
Morning came quick.
Then fear really struck. Where is he? Is he watching us now? Is he going to do something on the way to school? Is he after my parents?
Will he return???
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That fear has never left. Year after year I would lay in bed and watch every door and window. I would listen for changes in "normal" noises in the house. If it didn't add up, I would have someone ... or the dog go and check it out. I lost many nights of sleep from it. Fear just grips you, it tries to kill you.
It's taken me a long time to "get over" this. It seems so stupid to have such fear so many, many years later. Yet, it's still here. Thankfully, it's not as bad as it use to be. There are times I think that it is worse than it usually is. I know that it's just "that time" playing tricks on me again. There's nothing to be afraid of, right?
Fear. Fear. Fear.
Spine tingling, Teeth Clenching Fear
Will he/it return?
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