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| How to refuse to make yourself miserable |
So, What is True?
You are.
And in the final analysis, you are the highest power in your universe. You are the one who decides if you will follow the teachings of any sage or profit, or rely in the grace that is taught by new testament Christians.
And, I know you've heard this before, but you have the power to decide how you will react to what goes on around you.
Here's the deal.
Our emotions are based not on what happens to us, but on our beliefs about what happens to us.
Here's an example.
Rod's woman breaks up with him
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The Event
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<td width="200" valign="top" style="border-right: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-right: 5.4pt; border-top: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-left: 5.4pt; padding-bottom: 0in; border-left: #e0dfe3; width: 119.7pt; padding-top: 0in; border-bottom: windowtext 1pt solid; background-color: transparent">Jose’s woman breaks up with him and immediately starts dating one of his friends.</td>
<td width="200" valign="top" style="border-right: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-right: 5.4pt; border-top: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-left: 5.4pt; padding-bottom: 0in; border-left: #e0dfe3; width: 119.7pt; padding-top: 0in; border-bottom: windowtext 1pt solid; background-color: transparent">David’s woman breaks up with him and immediately starts dating one of his friends.</td>
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<td width="200" valign="top" style="border-right: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-right: 5.4pt; border-top: #e0dfe3; padding-left: 5.4pt; padding-bottom: 0in; border-left: #e0dfe3; width: 119.7pt; padding-top: 0in; border-bottom: windowtext 1pt solid; background-color: transparent"> I loved that woman more than I've ever loved anyone. I'll never find that again! And that Carry - some friend he is - steeling my woman. I'll never speak to him again!</td>
<td width="200" valign="top" style="border-right: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-right: 5.4pt; border-top: #e0dfe3; padding-left: 5.4pt; padding-bottom: 0in; border-left: #e0dfe3; width: 119.7pt; padding-top: 0in; border-bottom: windowtext 1pt solid; background-color: transparent"> I hate to say it but I was trying to think of a way to break up with her anyway. There just wasn't the chemistry I was hoping for. I'm happy she's interested in Carry. It get's me off the hook. </td>
<td width="200" valign="top" style="border-right: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-right: 5.4pt; border-top: #e0dfe3; padding-left: 5.4pt; padding-bottom: 0in; border-left: #e0dfe3; width: 119.7pt; padding-top: 0in; border-bottom: windowtext 1pt solid; background-color: transparent"> Wow! I really thought we had something there. I guess it was one sided. Ya know, I believe that somewhere out there is someone who is going to love me as much as I love them. I just have to keep looking. </td>
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<td width="200" valign="top" style="border-right: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-right: 5.4pt; border-top: #e0dfe3; padding-left: 5.4pt; padding-bottom: 0in; border-left: windowtext 1pt solid; width: 119.7pt; padding-top: 0in; border-bottom: windowtext 1pt solid; background-color: transparent"> Result</td>
<td width="200" valign="top" style="border-right: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-right: 5.4pt; border-top: #e0dfe3; padding-left: 5.4pt; padding-bottom: 0in; border-left: #e0dfe3; width: 119.7pt; padding-top: 0in; border-bottom: windowtext 1pt solid; background-color: transparent"> Anger, Rage, Loss of a friend, fear of relationships, months of grieving over the relationship. Can't sleep for several nights</td>
<td width="200" valign="top" style="border-right: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-right: 5.4pt; border-top: #e0dfe3; padding-left: 5.4pt; padding-bottom: 0in; border-left: #e0dfe3; width: 119.7pt; padding-top: 0in; border-bottom: windowtext 1pt solid; background-color: transparent"> Calm, relief, intention to move on. Keeps his friend. No trouble sleeping. </td>
<td width="200" valign="top" style="border-right: windowtext 1pt solid; padding-right: 5.4pt; border-top: #e0dfe3; padding-left: 5.4pt; padding-bottom: 0in; border-left: #e0dfe3; width: 119.7pt; padding-top: 0in; border-bottom: windowtext 1pt solid; background-color: transparent"> Calm, some sadness but no rage or fear, intention to move on. Keeps his friend. Restless the first night due to grief over the relationship but then OK</td>
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See? Same exact event for each of the men. Three different reactions. Jose's reaction is only possible if you don't care for the woman.
David's reaction is one of choice. Instead of working himself up into a frenzy, he decides to just start again, believing that there must be someone better for him in the vast number of women in the world.
Rob, on the other hand, has told himself a bunch of lies. These lies have lead him to be angry and emotionally a wreck! His thinking could even lead to violence - and too often it does.
And this leads us to another truth.
Strong negative or destructive emotions only occur when we have believed a lie.
Figure out what the lie is, and you eliminate the destructive emotions.
Some of the lies are common among most of us.
Lie: I can't stand it!
Here is something we say in the midst of standing it. Seriously! What does that mean? If it goes on one more minute you'll drop dead? Yet time after time - you survive.
Truth: I can stand it. I may not like it, but I know I can stand it. Nothing like this has ever killed me before!
Lie: I'm going to fail (whatever your going to fail at. A test, a job, a relationship). I must succeed!
You must succeed or...what?...you get sick?, You drop dead?, You break your leg? What would happen if you don't succeed? Most of us don't lead parilous lives that demand we succeed or the world ends.
What is really the worst that can happen? You lose your job? I doubt seriously that your going to lose your job over one failure. And if you do, You found this job. You can find another.
Are you going to have to repeat a class. Well repeat it! Next time you'll have the material down better and your grade will be enough higher that the average is going to get you the grade you would have gotten if barely passed.
Anytime you use the word "must" your asking for trouble. It's called MUSTERBATION. It's almost always a lie.
Truth: Where is it written that you must succeed? You can fail and still learn something. Fact is, we ususally learn more about ourselves from failure. We are all Fallible Human Beings. Failure happens only when your trying to do something new.
Lie: People should always act correctly. They deserve to be blamed and punished for any obnoxious, unfair, or selfish behavior.
If every person who made a mistake was punished for it, we wouldn't have time to do anything else!
Say you get angry because someone cuts you off on the highway.
Hey! Did you ever cut someone off? I have! Did you mean to do it? I didn't. Sometimes I wish there were a button we could just push and a little sign would pop up in the rear view window, "Sorry!" or when someone lets you cut in it could say, "Thank you!"
Wouldn't the drive home be more pleasant?
Truth: Everybody makes mistakes - even you. Everyone has moments when they don't behave as well as they would like. We are all Fallible Human Beings (FHBs). We could be more tolerant of each other.
Lie: People who lay around enjoying themselves are lazy and stupid. They are not worthwhile.
Well, I hope you lay around at least once in a while! It's called Rest and Recreation. If you believe the Bible, you know that even God needs rest.
This is a lie that I grew up with. I was taught it by my mother. I remember one day, just before a scheduled surgery we were doing some work around the house. I was so tired, I couldn't keep my eyes from closing. I had pushed it to the limit. I told my mom I had to rest and she said, "Your just lazy".
The next day, the anesthesiologist said that my blood count was so low (low iron), he couldn't give me a genral anesthetic. I would have to get by with a local.
Mom didn't care. If your not working, you don't deserve to live.
Then one day I got hit by a truck. I've been disabled for years. My mother is always asking why I have to use a cane and why I can't shop all day.
So what if you become crippled? or disabled in some other way? Should we put you to "sleep"? Or is thare value to a person beyond what the work they do?
Truth: Everybody needs to rest, even you. Even people who can't work, have value.
What are the other lies that have you all stirred up?
There is plenty of scientific evedence for the following statements.
1. Violent emotions disrupt a heathy balance of Brain Chemistry.
2. Ritual helps correct the balance.
3. An object that represents the kind of energy we are trying to attract can't help you focus your
attention.
So this is what I do.
I light a candle for the Goddess Kali ma. (see http://www.goddess-kali-ma.com/ for a discription of Kali ma.) I like to turn down the lights, and I meditate on what I am thinking that has me upset. Once I find the lie, I try to find the truth. Sometimes it takes several sessions. You will know because a.) you will believe it and b.) it will make you feel better. You will be able to let it all go.
Here's an example of one that took a couple of weeks to get.
I drove a long way to work, like 30 miles. In this particular county, speeding is particularly frowned upon. I was seeing tickets for 1 mile over the limit.
I LOVE to drive fast!! And this is a four lane hiway and the majority of traffic was headed the opposite direction, so there was very little traffic. There are no homes along the way, just wilderness, so it was the ideal road on which to speed. I actually had to have a cruise control installed into my car to avoid becoming lead footed.
Every day on the way to work, I had to hobble along at 60 miles an hour while other cars whirred by going 70, 80 and even 90 miles an hour. And every morning as I approached the town of Bremmerton, there were three or four cars pulled over to the side of the road, receiving their tickets for speeding.
Thing is, every time someone passed me, I was jealous. It made me angry! (I know, How stupid!). But it's true. Don't any of you get irritated when someone passes you on the freeway?
So I looked for the lie. I was thinking how unfair it was (even though many of them paid dearly) I told myself that they may have a better reason for speeding - maybe there was a medical emergency somewhere, I couldn't know their reasons - but I could believe that they all had emergencies.
Then one day, I was driving by El Goucho's Restaurant. (it is a fabulous steak house, famous in the Pacific Northwest). I was thinking about how much it cost to go there - about $100. per person and how much better that money could be spent. Then it occured to me!. Those tickets for speeding in Kitsap County is a little over $100. That's a dinner at El Goucho's! Not to mention a meal for a family of four at the food banks!
Now every time someone passes me and I start to make myself upset about it, I just remind myself that I choose not to spend that money to drive fast. I'd rather use it on something else - like a pair of cute shoes.
So are you getting it? Try it! it really works.
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Posted by tacomadrag0n on 2007-10-07 22:30:24 | Rating: | Views: 436
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