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| But When I Was a Believer, I Spake as a Child
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Some background about my religion – which is polytheistic in nature – but what you must understand, is that I don’t define God the way the Christians, Jews or Muslims do.
That God is vicious and responsible for the deaths of many innocent people – Read your Bible!
No Christians ever let me down. Some of them are quite compassionate.
However, they were compassionate before they knew the Christian. What I saw was that God has no power to change lives and is a very vicious entity, if he does exist.
Here is an article I wrote for Helium:
I have read all of the articles about what atheist believe and that we should go to church and read the Bible. Well I did. For years, I had the comfort that an all-powerful being was beside me whatever I did. He was a God of love and I was his bride.
I studied the Bible ravenously. For a period of about 2 years, I went through the bible chapter by chapter with ten different translations – well, in truth they are transliterations – including those of the original languages. I used dictionaries to translate the words from Hebrew, Greek, and Aramaic, that I did not know. I know the scriptures better than most of the Pastors I know.
Then one day, a friend in desperate straights asked me a question. I don't know why, but suddenly my rational mind kicked in.
Before I go on, you might want to get your Bible so that you can see these scriptures for yourself. They are there and I have not taken them out of context.
This is the story of how, after 25 years of intense study of fundamentalist Christianity and complete surrender to the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Ishmael, I became an atheist.
About 15 years ago, after 25 years of earnest study of the scriptures, A friend in crisis (a friend who is thoroughly indoctrinated into the 12 step programs) asked me why God couldn't just let her be happy.
Why can't God just let us be happy?
I thought about that for a moment and of course, the pat fundamentalist answer came to mind.
"We suffer so that we can help others who suffer."
However, this time a question came right back at me. Why do others have to suffer?We can't all be suffering just so that we can help other sufferers. That makes no sense.
We suffer so that we can be made perfect.
Why do we have to suffer to be made perfect? We don't. The Bible says that at the resurrection we will become perfect and know everything about everything.
I Corinthians 13: 11. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am KNOWN.
Well, God is testing us to see if we will lose our faith.
God knows whether or not our faith is genuine. Don't give me that crap about my needing to know whether or not my faith will stand the test. I'm perfectly happy with God knowing.
God has to prove to Satan that our faith is real?
And he does this by torturing us with disease and taking our families?
That is cruelty, and completely contrary to what Christians claim their God to be.
The book of Job tells of Satan talking God into making Job suffer so that he can see whether or not Job will remain faithful.
Now, that is one stupid god that had a need to prove anything to Satan. Why would God or, Job for that matter, care one iota what Satan believed?
So, I concluded that we suffer for nothing. There is no reason. It is useless. So why would god allow us to suffer.
We Suffer because of Free Will. We decide to put ourselves in situations that God has not approved.
This seams to be the explanation that ends all arguments about Western Religion. There is only one problem.
Nowhere in the bible does it state that we have free will.
In fact, the Bible talks about God knowing us before we were born, including whether or not we will worship God. "And those whom he for-knew, he also preordained”
The Pharaoh of Egypt wanted to let the Israelites go several times. But God hardened his heart.
The Pharaoh didn't keep the Hebrews prisoner. God did!
Yes, God hardened the heart of Pharaoh. It wasn't Pharaohs idea. God kept them prisoner and then took revenge on Pharaoh because his heart was hard! (Ex 4:21; 7:3, 22; 8:15, 19, 32; 9:7, 12, 34, 35; 10:1, 20, 27)
There are many other scriptures that prove God's propensity for "Hardening someone's heart. [Deuteronomy 2:30 (Whole Chapter); 2 Chronicles 36:13 (Whole Chapter); Mark 6:52 (Whole Chapter); John 12:40 (Whole Chapter)]
God even warns Israel that he will set Nations against Israel when she sins and then warns those Nations that he will punish them for going against Israel. It appears that God's justice isn't just at all.
Then I thought of the scripture:
Mathew 7:7. Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:8. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.9, Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask BREAD, will he give him a stone? 10. Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11. If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
Then why do we suffer? I had never been comfortable with the answers to that question, but suddenly everything I had studied began to come together to testify against itself, just like a criminals, changing story finally convicts him of the crime.
In II Samuel 6:2. And David arose, and went with all the people that were with him from Baale of Judah, to bring up from thence the ARK of God, whose name is called by the name of the LORD of hosts that dwelleth between the cherubims.3. And they set the ARK of God upon a new cart, and brought it out of the house of Abinadab that was in Gibeah: and Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, drave the new cart. 4. And they brought it out of the house of Abinadab which was at Gibeah, accompanying the ARK of God: and Ahio went before the ARK.
5. And David and all the house of Israel played before the LORD on all manner of instruments made of fir wood, even on harps, and on psalteries, and on timbrels, and on cornets, and on cymbals.6. And when they came to Nachon's threshingfloor, Uzzah put forth his hand to the ARK of God, and took hold of it; for the oxen shook it.7. And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Uzzah; and God smote him there for his error; and there he died by the ARK of God.
8. And David was displeased, because the LORD had made a breach upon Uzzah: and he called the name of the place Perezuzzah to this day.
The oxen shook the ark in such a way that Uzzah felt that he should put out his hand probably to stabilize the ark so that it wouldn't fall. But it was against Gods law for anyone to touch the ark. So Uzzah had to die. David, a man after God's own heart, became angry because he was more merciful than Jehovah was.
Then in The Book of Judges, the eleventh chapter we meet Jephthah. He was the son of a whore and Gilead, his father. His half brothers and sisters threw him out of the house because they didn't want him to inherit a portion of their father's wealth.
So the outcast went out and gathered to him other outcasts and they formed an army. When the house of Ammon, one of Israel's many enemies, threatened to come against them, the children of Gilead came to Jephthah and asked him to return to his father's house with his army and lead the Israelites against the children of Ammon.
Of course, Jephthah had a few choice things to say to his family like, "Oh, now that you need me"
They vowed to make him their captain and promised that he would remain at the head of the army even after the war was over. So Jephthah agreed to the offer.
Judges 11:30. And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands, 31. Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD's, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.Well, Jephthah's vow to Jehovah backfired on him. I was beginning to see that if you obey the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, he would eventually punish you. Jephthah trusted God and won the war with Ammon. 32. So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the LORD delivered them into his hands. 33. And he smote them from Aroer, even till thou come to Minnith, even twenty cities, and unto the plain of the vineyards, with a very great slaughter. Thus the children of Ammon were subdued before the children of Israel.34. And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his DAUGHTER came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she was his only child; beside her he had neither son nor DAUGHTER.
35. And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said, Alas, my DAUGHTER! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back.
His daughter being as blindly faithful as Jephthah himself asked only that she be allowed to take her friends with her into the mountains for two months to mourn the fact that she would never marry and have children and then he could do with her what he had promised God he would do.
Judges 11:39. And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her according to his vow which he had vowed: and she knew no man. And it was a custom in Israel,40. That the daughters of Israel went yearly to lament the DAUGHTER of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in a year.The God that I believed was a god of love and mercy, My beloved God accepted a human sacrifice without lifting a finger to stop it, placing him squarely along side the other Gods - Gods like Dagon, Pan, and Woden as their equal, not their superior.
I would never have allowed someone to take the life of his daughter- not even if he had 11 daughters and she was 45 and had 14 grandchildren!
I would not have taken the life of David's friend Uzzah for trying to steady the Ark of the Covenant.
I would not have kept the Children of Israel prisoner in Egypt and I certainly would not have drowned the Egyptian Army because they did what I forced them to do.
It became clear. I was more fair and reasonable than my blessed God!".
So let me ask you, If I, being evil would give better gifts to my children, then Jehovah truly must be a lame if not evil God. If I had the power that Jehovah supposedly had, I could guarantee less suffering and trouble in the world.
My heart was broken as my belief system began to crumble. Over a period of about a week, all of the things I took I have built my life on, suddenly began to seem like a perversion.
As I continued to re-evaluate my version of the truth, pillar by pillar that temple crumbled. I knew within a month that I could no longer trust such a cruel God.
There are a few remnants of my indoctrination. It still bothers me when I hear someone critical of Israel. Something inside me warns me that God may still have his revenge on those who hate Israel.
And when I listen to the news, I wonder if we are indeed not in the times just before the resurrection of the believers.
Yet, Jesus doesn't come.
He's not coming. He never was because he never existed. (See http://www.volconvo.com/forums/philosophy-religion/12823-unr aveling-jesus-myth.htm for a fabulous study of the Biblical Jesus.)
The only immortality we have is the mark we leave for good or evil in the world.
Now, for me, it is less important to follow the law than to have compassion?
It is less important to punish than to restore.
It is less important to outlaw abortion that to create an environment where women are supported in the duties of raising children and no one has to go without food or medical care.
I no longer judge the love of a man for a man or a woman for a woman. I celebrate that they love at all.
I can't justify a murder for a murder. It is more important to discover why one murders so that we can prevent it all together.
I no longer worship any god. I could not force myself to believe in the God of the Bible.
Because of my beliefs about the hereafter (I believe the dead are dead), I try to do more to leave a permanent positive impression upon people.
I would like to be remembered more for my loving kindness than for my righteousness. Like many people, I need to work on that.
I will work on it by honoring the images of Kuan Yin, Isis, Gaia, and Tara, the symbols of motherly love, the power of creation, and compassion.
If I light incense or candles and sing songs it will be to those who represent the traits I want to see in my own life. To honor them regularly means that the forces that they stand for is foremost in my mind.
I will honor Kuan Yin by offering compassion to my fellow mortals. I will honor the Goddess known as Gaia, Tara and Isis by recycling, minimizing my gas use, and using biodegradable cleansers in my house.
I will honor them all by bringing the comfort of a mother whenever I see the opportunity.
This is far superior to keeping the laws of The Angry Desert God. His law begins with this:
“I Am the Lord, your God. You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself a graven image or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above or that is on the earth below, or that is in the water under the earth.”
This is a law that is wholly self-serving.
By the way, one of my readers thought I was sad or unhappy because of my profile. I was not attempting to garner pity.
I’m mostly at peace with all of that crap, although I wonder if you can actually get over a mother that is incapable of love. That’s the point. I’m trying to teach you what brought me through all that stuff.
It is not some mystical experience. It is science. The techniques I have learned are easy to learn and even those with developmental disabilities can do it. (It is not Scientology which is based upon a Hoax, or any thing from outer space. I mean real, proven, accepted science).
Now, that’s it for debating Christianity.
Either you believe the Bible or you don’t. If you do, you should know what a terrorist your god is. Some people that God has the right to do such horrible things.
I don’t.
If you say that you’re a Christian but don’t believe the Bible, you have no foundation for your beliefs and you’re just making up a God that does what you want him to do. You may as well worship my Pomeranian. (She’s awfully cute but doesn’t have the time to answer prayers.)
More about what saved my sanity in my next blog. I hope you try it! It has worked for everyone I have taught about it.
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Posted by tacomadrag0n on 2007-10-07 05:50:47 | Rating: | Views: 109
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Thank you for sharing. Problem is no one will ever know anything for sure until apparently we are all dead..and since no one has come back to tell me what they have found....yeah..the point, huh? =)
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Posted by Brokenhearted
on 2007-10-07 09:21:44
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