Will women ever understand men? Or even vice versa, will men ever understand women?
I worked a double today, willing though. I offered myself as a body at my old work, just because i miss the people there. It was nice, a lot of cusomers saw my car and stopped in to say hi. One of them being my bud C. We get together a few times a year when he's in town, just coffee or whatever. We've been friends for about 7 or 8 years now. He's the kinda guy you can talk to about anything, always a willing shoulder if you need it to cry on. He's a jack of all trades, not much he can't do. I can't count the times he's fixed my old car. Its never been more then friends, i could never picture it. He's a few years younger which is another reason why i'd never picture it, young guys just don't appeal to me, never really have. He's that safe one you know. Now the friendship has lasted so i'm assuming he feels the same about me, as i'm the one that he talks to when he's having problems with his women. We talk sex but its never been sexual at all between us. Mind you, we've also never been single at the same time either. So i started tell him about my work schedule etc for the next few weeks, how i'd be outta town overnight this coming week. When i have to be outta town overnight my work puts me up at a hotel. Now its not a bad hotel, probably the best in that town but nothing special. When outta the blue, he says gimme a call, i'll come spend the night with ya, and yes he meant that way.
Now a bit before that i was telling him how its been awhile for me, *cough* 8 months or so, and he was telling me about his g/f. I'm like umm not really sure how to respond. But you have a g/f i say finally. Thats ok, she's cheated, we have an understanding. Seriously what is that about? I just don't get it. Admittedly at 14? i cheated on a b/f but that was 18 years ago, and it never happened again. How can people be so open and ok with it? I always joked about how it would be ok with me if my "innocent" b/f went and got experience with someone else, but in all seriousness, it would hurt and i'd so NOT be okay with it, and i'm 95% sure he knew it was only a joke, that i didn't mean it. Maybe i'm getting too old school as i age. Less accepting of what the norm seems to be this day and age? I want that forever with one, i'm not sure if that means marriage, because to me its only a piece of paper, actions mean more to me. (having been married, i know a paper means shit to some- and adopted that attitude myself the last 10 years) I still want it, the fairytale, i just don't see it as probable, though i still hope in my soul.
Anyways, i ended up saying and meaning, i won't be a party to cheating, its not who i am. I know him, he hasn`t cheated on her, i`m not sure if he could, but i also know over the years, especially when he`s been single, he`s flirted and come on to me, i`m me, i encouraged though didn`t act on it, as he just wasn`t my type, i could never picture it, those feelings just weren`t there. They still aren`t, but i do like him as a friend. I love him as a friend. I can`t help but think of my friend Kell. Comfirmed friend zone only with her friend Stace (for years), then one night they got drunk, had sex and have been happily together ever since. (6 years at least now) Kell who never wanted any kids, now has one. And happy. I can`t help but think, what if? Ha maybe i need to get drunk! I guess we'll see what happens with that, i know he's outta town this weekend, unless he changes his mind now. Just makes me wonder, like every time he gets a new toy, truck car etc, he always come to show me, i say and where's mine? When your my wife.... Argghhh, everything seems to have hidden meanings these days. Or maybe i'm just allowing myself to feel the world once again, the people vibes, which i've turned off for so long.
Lets see, what else is going on? Nana back in the hospital, this time its chest pains, they think she's going to have a heartattack :( I don't think she'll be around all that much longer, sometimes you can just feel these things, but she's stubborn, and as much as she wants to let go, she's still willing to fight for now, so we'll see.
Ahh well, its 1am now, i have to be at work for 6 am, but i think i'm taking at least half the day off, after today. Plus i'm doing an extra shift this weekend and extra time next week as i'll be outta town, might take a long weekend next week too! But for now, its time to lay the head down, rejuv and rest. Never know what tomorrow will bring :)
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