Work is still sucking a bit, but slowly getting better.   Last weekend was looking pretty bad when my midnight guy couldn't work but at the last moment i found a fill-in, working an extra 16 hours that week was enough, i didn't want to make it 32.

Since my long weekend was royally fucked over and i found a cover for fri/sat nights, i decided it was time for some ME time.  Without work or any other bullshit.  I called and told them not to bother calling me as i was going outta the country for the night with C, and my cell wouldn't work,  i was freakin determined to have a night off.

So we headed out to the casino for the night.  We went and grabbed a few beers, and snacks and decided to go play some machines for a bit.  We stuck together for a bit then i went off to play one of my favorite machines, which didn't like me all that much.  I had about 40 left in credits when he came back to see me, and so i hit max credits and madde him pick a few numbers, hoping to lose it all so we could go back to our room.  He's my lucky charm, as i ended up winning a few hundred so i cashed out and we walked down to the elevator hand in hand.  There are times, like knowing when we'll be alone very soon and i just can't keep my hands off him.  We got into the elevator and i joked about making out in there (we were only going to the third floor).  Well the kiss he gave me, pushing me up against the wall..... made my knees weak.  Its always good between us, but there are a few moments, where its just knock your socks off good, and with only a kiss.  
I don't know how to describe it when we're "together".  Its passionate, its playful, its fun and at times simply amazing.  
I've never been as happy as i have been this last month with him.  He'll look at me, alot and just wink or smile at me.  I say stop looking at me, or why are you looking at me and he just doesn't say anything just smiles, or he'll say sometime sweet or silly and i get so i can't wipe this stupid ass grin off my face.  My heart just smiles, as well as my physical being.  I keep telling myself not to fall in love with him,  that i don't love him, its just lust or something.  But i'm so happy just to spend time with him,  innocent togetherness, nothing sexual. As friends. Thats a big part of my "happiness", the icing is just that when we do get together, its so great.  I can feel myself falling for him. I know i am falling for him, and its in a big way.  I tell myself i'm just setting myself up for a big heartache, but i can't help myself.  It just feels so right to me.  
I started off as his friend, and i can still give him my unbiased opinion on stuff, but i also find myself offering or rather asking which one he wants, or both,  biased or unbiased. 
This last month we've spent maybe a total of 3 nights away from one another.  Being someone who has always valued her solitude and privacy, its scary to think i haven't gotten sick of him yet. Scary and surprising as well.  I don't know why i just can't get enough of him,  as a "friend" and as more.   
The one thing i most look forward to is when we go to bed and i can just lay with my head on his chest, feeling his warm skin under my cheek and the beating of his heart.   I love fighting and arguing with him, i love running my hand and thumb over this cheek.  Taking his hand and simply kissing it, just because i can.  

Never been so happy, but also a bit miserable, because i just can't shake the feeling that its too good to be true.  Maybe it is. The thought of not having this anymore has brought a few tears to my eyes already.  The time is ever drawing closer to when this shall either progress or stop.  I don't know which way it'll go. I know what i want, but it has to be mutual and i'm not sure if it is.  I tell him if he's going to listen to me, that he should follow my unbiased opinion, He needs to follow his heart and do as he wants/needs to do because that is how he'll be happy,  that he deserves it.  He likes my biased opinion as do i, but i'd rather it be from the heart then anything else.
Its like tossing a rock into a well, you listen and listen waiting for that "plop" not knowing when it'll happen.  You dare not breath incase you miss it.  Yet if you do miss it, the spray of water will let you know.