I have missed my writing, even though sometimes i don't do it all that often.  It just seems to help with the letting go of some of the stress in my life.

Haha Wed when i went to work,  people got a big fucking surprise.  I heard all about it on Thurs.  They have never seen me as bitchy as i was that morning.  I'm usually all nice and fun-loving etc, but boy oh boy did they see another side of me wed.   Everything just kind of hit me at once and i snapped for a bit.  But its good, because they were partly the cause of it all. Just stupid little mistakes that turn into BIG mistakes, hundreds of dollars mistakes and  all because they didn't bother to read something.   I am just getting sick and tired of bending over backwards to accomodate their schedules while i get fucked over on mine.   THey don't like it now, too bad, i'm sick of making everyone else happy and not myself.

What really helped my mood was looking at an old friends facebook.   He just had a baby girl and it was so uplifting and positive.  I was/am so happy for him.   He had a little boy about 2 yrs ago who died at  about 3 months of age. It was heartbreaking.   I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose a child.   But i saw her little pouty baby face, and that she was healthy and they are so happy, that for that moment all was right in the world.

I have never been as happy as i have been these days few weeks, yet on the same side, it's going to give me the ability or possibility of being so depressed as well.  This is starting to weigh on me, and i know i shouldn't let it.  But alas, i am me and no one else.  But i'm thankful for what the gods deem to give me for the moment, its been an incredible ride so far.   I wouldn't change it for the world.  Its shown me what i needed to see,  that happiness is more then possible and not just a pipe dream not meant for me.  Maybe its just not meant for the moment, or maybe its shown me exactly what it is i should be fighting for.  I just don't want it to be a fight i suppose.  It should just happen because it was meant to,  we were meant to do this, it was meant to be complicated, it was just simply meant to be.  I know this time was, i hope the rest falls into place. 

I guess only time will tell, but for now, one more night, one more hug, one more smile as our lips meet is enough.... til its not.