I don't understand how it is even possible to love someone the way I Iove the person I am thinking about right now. Of course it is possible, but I feel that it should not be possible to love someone the way I love this one person. I feel it should not be so because I don't feel that person loves me in the same manner.

He is the only person I have ever been in love with and I don't quite understand why I love him because he is not cute. Not that I am shallow or anything, its just that I have never had a crush on a boy that wasn't cute before and to love someone that I don't even find physically attractive is wierd but it happen.

The summer of 2006, I fall in love with my boyfriend at the time. It seemed as though everything in the world was perfect and nothing could go wrong. He told me he loved me, he kissed my hand and cheek. He asked me to marry him and he said he would never go anywhere.

But now he is gone out of the state and away from me. He went off to school on a scholarship. I would like to say that it was a higher education that separated us but I don't think that is so, but maybe I am wrong. I do know that we over a week before he left for school. I missed his phonecall because I was in church and I guess I didn't hear it. When I tried to call him back he did not answer. I finally talked him on Facebook and talked to him on the phone in October. He came to my house in October but I did not go down the stairs. I guess I messed up. He hasn't been to my house since then that I know of.

 I haven't seen him in over a year and I miss him so much and he is all I think about. Is that it? Will I forever think of the one I want but I feel I can't have? Or can I have the one I desire? Is it meant to be or not? Will I ever see him again? Will I see him this Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, and summer break? I sure hope so.

But are those the important questions? Maybe the important question is not whether I want to see him but if he wants to see him. And if he does is it just because of his fleshy desire and not because he loves and cares for me.

Who knows I really don't? I am so confused from day to day? I just want and end to be put to this. Yes or No? Does he love me? When I sent him a message and said I did, he said he did too. Did he mean it?What did he mean? Is he in love me? Why did he dump me in the first place? Truly was I just the rebound girl who got hurt while he was trying to score????

I thought he loved me but now I never hear from him. He never calls me, he texted me once  to ask how I've been doing? He also texted me to ask me what me 3 words would be if we woke up naked together. What was up with that text? I play with him alot about alot of things. What he just kidding? I hope so.

I remember when he kissed me on my cheek while I was sitting in the kitchen doing my homework. And how he kissed my hand after I asked him to. I remember rubbing his five o'clock shadow. It was all the little things that created the great love that I have for him today. I also enjoy how he says bye when he is finished talking to me. He says it in the nicest and sweest voice. I just want to melt into the phone. I like it when I am joking with him and he lets me know that it is not his fault for this of that in such the sweetest manner. You can't do anything but love him.

I also remember the time that I was alittle upset with him and before he got into the car we dance in the night while the car light were on us. How romantic!!!! I could talk to him on the phone forever. The last time I talked to him I had so much fun. I made him laugh which was awesome. And we both said 750 from the move All About the Benjamins. I also told him that I was going to drop my BCOM class and he said no in the sweestest voice. He is so sweet. I love him to death.

How shall I continue to feel the feelings I feel but with my sweetie with whom I feel them for

                                     -OR-

Shall I find I way to stop feeling the feelings I feel for the person I wish to stop feeling them for if and only if that person doesn't feel the same feeling I feel