this is the only outlet when i can talk about you. without you ever knowing.

today i still had moments when you were lost amongst my thoughts. swimming and bubbling to the surface. am i really missing you? or is it that i am just missing having that someone to share all my inner fears with and someone to laugh at 'our' jokes? maybe a mixture of both to be honest...

its hard. sometimes i have moments when i have the urge to call u.. but when i do what would i say? how would i feel once you are on the line? i know that i am stronger than that, by calling you i will fall back into that trap. the trap that i know is impossible to get out of. once i call u, i won't be able to control myself. i will want to call u constantly. i know that i will fall into that false sense of closeness. how stupid, i am still agonising over things that shouldn't matter to me anymore. i am meant to forget, i keep telling myself. forget and move on. be happy. 

why is it once someone has step into your world, even when they leave their footprints are forever cemented on the path? i hate it. i hate the fact of sharing so much with you, but you selfishly left without a care. how is it fair, that i am the one left behind now, to watch you leave without me? i don't understand, many things left unsaid. i am accepting the unspoken words because i know for my sanity if i keep pondering i can't forget. the only thing i want more is to forget you, because it hurts. hurts too much to remember you. why. why can't it be possible the moment you left is the moment i forget.

i just want to forget you, really i do...









i will.