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Tents and stuff...

So, I graduated a little while ago. Good stuff. Actually, the graduating probably wasn't that great, it was kind of expected of me, so I don't feel like I accomplished too much. Rather the precedings and the stuff afterwards (sorry, I don't know my prefixes... no parallelism happening here) were much better.

Small stuff first: rehearsal was fun, lunch with friends after rehearsal was fun, park was fun, all night after-party was fun. Okay, all the non-drama stuff out of the way.

The drama begins... although it isn't that dramatic, more just exciting for me...

The day before our last day of school a bunch of friends and I all gathered in the park near our friend's house and pitched tents to sleep in and have a 'campout' before our last day. There were about 15 of us, so we needed two tents. We chilled out all afternoon and signed yearbooks and played video games. After the sun set we headed outside and chatted in the tents. Some friends went to check out the sleepover at our school, others went into the city for snacks. I stayed back with about six other people. We chatted some more and just lazed about.

People were starting to get tired and I wasn't even close to turning in. I left the tent to shoot hoops at the small court in the park. The guy I like from before (Life throwing curveballs and boys create drama) came outside to play with me. We ended up playing and talking for two hours. After we were just exhausted we sat by each other and just talked a little more. We didn't talk for much longer though because the kids that were coming back from the school pelted us with water ballons. I wasn't hit, but he was pretty wet, and had no spare clothes.
It was night and it was pretty cold, so we headed into the smaller tent that no one had started filling yet. The other tent had become full because the snackers had also come back and set up inside the big tent. In the small tent there were five of us. Three of my female friends, him, and me. We were setting up sleeping arrangements and he settled down next to me. Unfortunately he was too tall to fit in the middle, so he was forced to switch places with one of my friends so he was on the outside. My friend offered to switch places with me so I could be next to him, but I figured that was too awkward, so I just stayed put.

However, this friend wakes early and leaves to shower at home, so he and I were next to each other in the morning. We weren't touching, but we were certainly coming closer together. Slowly, the others in the tent went to leave. Soon, it was just him and me. We talked quietly for a little while about random things, how much I hate mornings, and how weird it was that today was our last day of school. There was a senior movie, a lunch, and the final assembly scheduled for the day. Nothing was required, but by tradition, most people showed up.

I didn't want to leave the tent because he was there with me. He didn't seem to want to leave either. We reached the natural end to our coversation and I decided then that I didn't want him to have a reason to leave. I poked him, just like he had poked me before. This quickly escalated into wrestling and laughing. I felt so rediculous shaking the tent, wondering what my friends would think if they saw the tent from my friend's window.

We stopped and I told him that I wanted to go back to sleep so I would be rested for the final day. I rolled over to my side, next to him and slept for a little while. One of our friends came back and laughed at us sleeping together. She told us breakfast was ready. I wasn't, so I just stayed where I was. He didn't normally have breakfast. He tickled me some more. I wrestled back and got him. We just kind of wrestled and tickled and laughed for a good part of an hour. By then we had missed breakfast and the first part of the senior video. We were tired from all of the physical assault and ended up just cuddling together.

He and I are both very comfortable with the topic of sex, but he doesn't know my boundaries. Naturally, he wanted to test them. He started by "accidentally" hitting my breasts. I told him jokingly to cut it out. Then he layed a hand upon one while we were cuddling. I told him I could stop this and leave, but why would I do that since we're both enjoying ourselves. He said he didn't know. So I stayed and he stayed, hand on breast. He was a sly one, let me tell you. He would tickle my stomach, then stroke it. I'd say, "that doesn't tickle" feeling all self-assured like I finally had the upper hand, but he would just retort, "I know" with a smile on his face.

Through this manner he worked very slowly to relax my whole body and let him touch me. It was an interesting experience, game and seriousness. I liked the variety. A playful type of lovemaker he was. I would have never guessed. He always seemed like a "let's get down to it and screw" kind of guy. He was very real with me, not one to try and be a stoic unfeeling lover. It felt very natural to be with him. He was a very good cuddler. He held my hand, held me close, I felt safe and secure.

Things escalated though. The way he was subtly touching me, how he'd hold me close. He pulled me in once to show me how he felt about this whole ordeal, it was very plain to feel against my thigh. It exhilerated me. I rubbed against him and let him know it was okay. He continued to use his hands to explore my arms, back, stomach and derierre. I was so worked up. I pinned him on his back and rode him. It wasn't sex because we were both dressed, but it was still nice.

It was exciting because he could move me. He rolled us over and had me under. His weight over me turned me on. The way he smelled was wonderful. We lay beside each other and he'd hum the pink panther theme while trying to put his hand in my panties it was cute and a little bizarre. I stopped him though. I wanted him to touch me so badly, but I knew only bad things could come of it, I had already gone too far as it was. He was content to please me from outside. I nervously reciprocated. It had been such a long time since I'd touched a man that way. He was much larger than the other two men I'd been with. I wondered what it would be like for that to inside me. I imagine it would be good and full. This guy turned me on so much.

By then it was mid afternoon. We had spent all day touching and cuddling. I didnt' want it to end, but I had to go for the final assembly and say goodbye to all my teachers and ungraduating friends. I left him with a hard-on and my phone number.

I know he won't call me. That's his personality. I want to fool around with him again, but I know it's not the right thing to do. Even though neither of us have expectations for a serious relationship, I'm afraid that I'd expect him to be a boyfriend to me even if that's not what our relationship is. I'm just going to have to take that morning/afternoon for what it was. I hope I meet someone that can fufill my cuddling needs as well as my emotional ones as well. *(Sigh)*

When I got to the assembly, boy were my friends pissed off. They were demanding to know where I was. I made up some bs story that was not with him. I kept getting demands, but I kept denying things. They eventually let it go. My best friends know what really happened though.

I just hate liking a guy I can never have when he likes me enough to cuddle but not to date. And when I shouldn't date either b/c I'm going cross-country for school. And when it's a guy that just spells trouble. As I see it, it's kind of a lose -lose situation: I get boy but he's not a relationship; I don't get boy and I don't fool around with someone I like. The right choice is clear, don't choose boy. But it's soo hard when I haven't had anyone to mess around with in almost two years. I"m becoming a bitter, slutty, bitch. Well I gotta go sleep. 'Later.