| View Blog
|
|
|
|
| a little about love... |
i am in love.
its terrifying, its not been professed to one another other than through drunken suggestings, but i know its mutual. even still the doubts never go away do they?
What are they thinking? Should i have said that? How do i look? some people would say this was my insecurity raising its ugly head again but this time its different, i dont think these things because i think ultimately im going to lose him but because i dont want to.
I want him to be happy, i want him to still want me, and even though its who i am that should be the biggest attraction whats wrong with a little effort?
But these thoughts arent the only terrifying thing, time is.
Time and love seem to go hand in hand. Im only 18. I shoudltn need to worry about time, but i am doing. in a whole manner of ways.
We've just broken up from university, we will be apart for 3 months, basically long distance, weve made plans to see eachother but for now we have to slip back into our pre together pre university lives. 3 months a quarter of the year, and ultimately a test.
Not only this, but next year we will be flat mates. it was never my intention to live with my boyfriend, and when we signed up to be flat mates, my boy, who i will call Ginger (no prizes for guessing why) was simply a friend of a friend. Now living with your boyfriend is a huge step, and giant risk especially when if tit goes wrong i will still have to live there but this isnt my primary worry. my primary worry is time.
Ive fallen for a guy in my first year of uni, if living together goes well next year, we will live together in our third year, and then uni will be over? what then? i love ginger and dont want to be with anyone else, but right now time feels like it is pressuring me into a huge commitment. time is forcing me to miss chances, chances right now i dont really want but what about in 5 years time, then they will always be chances that i missed.
Am i signing up for life, for all my time?
so my little thought about love and time is that where do you live with it? you present or future?
im happy now and dont want things to change but my future me is terrified, of not experiencing.
I guess all i can do is live for today, time is always there ticking, warning you of things you arent experiencing, things your missing but what i have right now is an experience and not one i want to end any time soon.
|
|
Posted by summerllilly on 2009-07-01 12:23:05 | Rating: | Views: 22
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 