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wow. so long since i've been on, feels like another lifetime. maybe once i was truly happy, but ive walked so far away that all i can feel is this seperation. i'm trying to come back, but am i trying my hardest? i keep askingĀ myself questions that dont have answers, not the answers i want to give at least. Suicide, Sex, my looks. I keep asking if its alright to go through with things that could hurt people when all i do is hurt others now. my mom is so frustrated with me half the time and then the rest i can feel pain and anger emanating from her. i wonder how many other people feel their heart torn in half because they feel such conflicted emotions deep inside. I hate my life so much that it feels like i am being sucked into a black hole, but i am too afraid to do anything about it. i'm not emo, not literally, but i feel so depressed that even trying to get closer to Him doesnt feel like it's working. i read my bible maybe once in a blue moon, and then i think about it and want to read it more, but it doesnt happen. Reading it makes me feel better, closer to God, but is it enough to heal my heart? or am i already there, but still clinging to what i used to feel because i'm so afraid of what could happen? i just want answers, something to light the dark path i'm walking down. But then the strongest faith is the faith that believes without seeing. i guess
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