Thoughts.com Blogs - my first son.....

it was a friday and i was already 10, yes 10, days late. man i couldnt wait until i had my son. Why was it taking so long. I had an appt that day at 9 am....doctor wasnt there so i had to wait and wait. He finally arrived at close to one. checked me and said that i was still not due and that if I dont deliver by Sunday Sept. 1, 2005 he was going to induce my labor monday morning at 6 am. damn....I hear that they are painful. (2yrs later I found out they are). i told him that I had a feeling that i was going to deliver that day, he said that it was not possible because i was only 2cm dilated...ok sure why not. he told me to walk to help it along. OK....it was almost 2pm by then. I got a ride home. Around 3pm I was getting bad pains. could this be? why am i hurting?? So i go to my room and lay down a bit. Later on within half an hour I cant move because i am in so much pain. At almost 5pm i am taken to the doctor because my mom said that i was going to have my baby...TOLD HIM SO. But now what....

i am in the waiting room for what seemed like forever. My mom and my sister were there. They eventually call me in and have me chew on ice. what the hell do i want to chew ice for?? Every hour or so they are checking to see if I am dilating more. which i was. about 1cm an hour. which is pretty good. i couldnt take the pains. They didnt want to give me the epidural just yet. damn...around 8pm they ask if i wanted it...YES...they tell me to lean against the nurse and hold onto the pillow. why, i was thinking? It hurt so much as they put it in. The nurse was so nice she let me hold on to her and told me that i was going to be ok. she asked me why i was alone. told her that his father was not in the picture so i had noone. They asked questions and all. Asked me if I wanted to have his fathers name in the birth certificate. I said NO. Ok she said after she tried to ask me again if i was sure. the pain within minutes went away completely. Then i was relaxed.

At 10pm The doctor told me that I could start to push. Push, they said. i pushed and pushed. No sweat (literally). the nurse was nice. 24 minutes later my handsome son was born and all else seemed pointless. I looked over to where he was being held by the doctor. I was quiet and i just looked at him. i swear he must have known i was his mom or something cause he turned his head towards where i was. As soon as he did that i began to cry, but only with tears no sound. he began to cry on his own. it was just amazing. what an amazing experience. 10 fingers, 10 toes.7lb10oz, 19.5in hazel looking eyes. the most plump lips. i swear his lips stood out more than anything. i was told to memorize one thing about him and how could i miss those lips. 1hour with him i spent alone. i didnt want anyone in there for the first hour. NOONE. i talked to him and told him that it was going to be me and him forever and that nothing could ever harm him because i was going to care for him and protect him. told him that i loved him with all of my heart and that i would give up my life for him.

Doctor asked me what i was going to name him and to be honest i didnt have a name set. so I looked at him and told him "JACOB".....

At 11pm my mom and sister came in to see us. asked how i felt and how the baby was doing. then the doctors took him and said that they will bring him to the room when they are finished. i guess.

i called in every half an hour to an hour..5am i finally got him back. NO sleep that night. he was in my arms all the next day. saturday night i put him in the bassinet they have next to the bed, but only for a bit so that i could rest because the nurses didnt let me sleep with him in my arms in the bed. but as soon as i woke up back in my arms he went.

I had a few visitors that saturday. it was nice. my homegirl M told me to call his father and at least let him know so that way when jake gets older i can tell him that i at least did my part and told his father. fine. so i called R which i was pretty sure was his father at the time. There was two possibilities R and ****. He wanted nothing to do with it. whatever then.

i have my son. he is the one missing out on a great kid. i get to keep the best part. i was going to call **** but i didnt have his number.

monday, i was discharged. what a day it was