So this will be my ADD entry.
(Not saying that I have ADD or that it is something to be made fun of, but just using it to describe the series of random thoughts I will be drawing from my head and putting onto electronic paper.)

I got my first rejection letter in the history of EVER a couple days ago. It was for the undergraduate program at the UCLA School of Nursing.  I'm bummed, as is expected, but not as much as I thought I would be.  I guess it was the discouraging statistics I kept in mind as I applied for it.  Over a thousand applicants, only fifty spots, and of those fifty, only five were for students like me--seeking a change in major.  Do the math.  It wasn't pretty.

I guess the more interesting feeling was reading this piece of paper with the mass-printed rejection words "we regret to inform you that...." blah blah blah so forth, and realizing that this rejection was just about as heartwarming, cordial, and sincere as a bag of cheetos.  It didn't sting. It didn't scream out at me "you're a failure!", or gently pat me on the shoulder.  Instead, it just sat there, the generic black printed font (assumably Times New Roman), and dutifully reported its message.  (Like a talking rock, though slightly less amusing.)  It wasn't the end of the world, as my upbringing would have liked me to believe.

"Oh yes, blame it on the parents." Well, no...not really.  They've never really meddled in my academics.  (Except for the time I got a B+ in 7th grade Algebra and was beat for it.) (yeaaa Asian culture!) But really, what I meant by upbringing was my past experiences.  I've always somehow stumbled through my classes, unaware that achieveing A's meant something good, or special.  I don't want to brag.  I don't want to come off as ignorant or conceited.  I'm merely telling the truth that throughout Elementary, Middle, and High School the A's just stuck to me like flypaper.  In my mind, it never really meant much...just that my parents could ignore me more and worry about my siblings.  I never felt as though I deserved any of the awards I received.  And I wasn't one of those overachieving genius students who ran  five clubs, played two instruments, and rescued kittens from trees while juggling seven AP classes. You can imagine my surprise when I realized what the UC Regents Scholarship really meant. (I only applied because the application was easy: two recs and a 200 word essay) I was accepted into every university that I applied to, (granted I only applied to five, all of them being UCs), and made my choice to attend UCLA. All the while, I felt as if I were living someone else's life.  It was, to be honest, too easy.  Never had I broken a sweat in high school trying to stack my resume.  I didn't even try!  And yet, here I was, two scholarships to a great university, an immaculate (did I spell that right?) high school record, and not a rejection letter in sight.

I didn't know what it was like.  From what I heard, though, it was supposed to destroy your day.  Or ruin your life.  Or reeeaaalllly piss off your parents.  What I did not know, though, was that it wouldn't do all those things if you were already expecting it.  So now, here I am, with the crumpled envelope and letter near my feet underneath my desk.  I'm meeting with my college counselor on Friday to try and figure out where to go from here.  I'm not too worried.  It's not the end of the world.  Worst comes to worst, I'll just stick to this pre-med major and apply to a Nursing Master's program later. (Thank you N---, for teaching me how to be chill with everything that happens)

~subject change~

I've been homesick for the last few weeks.  I want to go home for Memorial Day weekend, and my best friend is already telling me all the places he's going to take me and all the food we're going to buy. I also miss Mom's cooking. Most of all I think I miss my friends (who are basically my family), and all the hugs and kisses and cuddling and never doubting their unconditional love. 

It's scary to think that for the next few years, I will be living down here in SoCal. And if my current relationship plays out for that long, I might even live here longer.  (J, don't freak out. This is not a commitment trap or a signal for you to bail while you can. I'm just stating the facts.)  I've moved around a lot in my life, but if home is where the heart is, my heart is with my buddies back in good 'ol, freezing NorCal.  I don't want to imagine living this far from them for the rest of my life.  We're all secretly hoping to live together later in the future, preferrably here in the LA area, but at this point in life the strings are held together by occasional 500-mile-drive visits and telephone/skype conversations.

I wish I could fast forward and figure out where we would all end up.  I also hope to whatever power's up there that I hold on to these precious friends.  In the end, though, I don't want to be separated from them for too long. So I am going home to see them soon. (*love love gushy mushy love love love*)

~and the Finale~

What the hell is with these penis enlargement spam e-mails showing up in my SCHOOL e-mail?!?  I have not given it out to anything not-UCLA related, and I'm getting rather annoyed at this fact.  Is someone making their rounds on Facebook and collecting college e-mails?  Or is it worse--hacking the school system? O__o (which theoretically shouldn't be that hard, considering all the computer geniuses we have in this day and age)

Whatever it is, I wonder where all these companies come from.  Are there really that many companies that make penis enlargement pills?  Or is there only one big company that has a lot of money to waste and a guy they pay to create different "brands"?  Who the hell makes these pills anyway? And with what?!?  Do people really buy them?  (You poor, poor, souls.)  Anyone who's ever had their inbox spammed as seen them.  And now, they've managed to seep into Facebook. (One of my friends got hacked, and is now "posting" penis enlargement pill ads on everyone's walls.)  Oh, the persistance of these fellows. Sometimes I wonder if these companies even exist.

Maybe someone should send a virus to the origin of all these spam e-mails. That'd be funny. :x