Thanks to everyone who left comments last time :] they were very much appreciated.
I hope this isn't going to become a daily thing for me to fill out. Not that writing everyday is bad. More like, I feel as if there would be more meaning to writing all this down if I have more to say than what I ate for the day.
"So what's the issue in your life this time, stephybum?"
Well, kind sir/ma'am, the issue for today is friends.
Not that I don't have any. (This is when you roll your eyes) But really, I can explain why I'm sitting here alone in my dorm room on a Friday night. My roomate is out at a potluck with her gym buddies, my normal group of friends are all with significant others, playing computer games, or out drinking. And the other two people I see everyday are both out of town. I can't seem to reach my high school friends that are here at UCLA, and my other lovely girlfriend is out at a frat party that I stupidly rejected. But before you shake your head and move away from this seemingly "emo" rant of "boo hoo, I don't have any friends", please just spare a few more lines to let me explain myself.
When I say I'm having friend issues, I'm not really referring to the lack of people to hang out with on this lovely weathered Friday night. I mean to share with you all another epiphany I had the other day. After getting off the phone from a nice half-hour conversation with one of my best friends B------, I realize that she's one of my only girl friends left. When I say "left", I mean I graduated high school with a nice handful of close female friends and an entire sports team of about 30 girls on top of that, which is all now reduced to....well let's just say I don't need my toes to count them.
So I wonder, what went wrong? Or is it wrong to have mostly male friends? Considering I was a "tomboy" till I was in 7th grade, I guess I feel more comfortable around guys. Back home, I'm used to being "one of the guys", and it's not so different here. (My friends cringe when I wear pink or anything remotely feminine. Not to mention laugh when I attempt to wear makeup.) Is it my personality that has doomed me to a life of girlfriend-less-ness? Or is it something else? Am I doing everything wrong? I know that for girls, we're "supposed to" keep in touch by constantly sharing daily expiences and filling each other in with the major issues. Whereas guys are "supposed to" be able to remain buddies as long as they do things together, screw the "keeping in touch". Funny...that's my approach. If I haven't seen a girlfriend for a while, it's even easier for me to jump back into things since we'll have so much more to talk about. But somehow, this philosophy has left me with one close female friend who still calls me, and then two girls here at UCLA who I see regularly (one being my current roomate). Compare that to....15 males? that I talk to and/or see everyday. Strange.
(And I know this may seem completely irrelevant, but for a young woman who's entering her 20s it's a reasonable issue: WHO THE HELL WILL BE MY BRIDESMAIDS???? I'll have like.....oh well I guess it won't be that bad. I think I can manage to scrape together 5. Sad to say, it may be easier for me to have a bunch of guys be my "bridesmaids".)
But back to the issue: is gender really an issue in making friends? Does it really matter that I have no one to swoon over boys with, or do my hair, or play dress-up with? (YES I still like dress-up.) Sometimes I really miss having girl time. But most of the time, I'm rather loud and rough with my guy friends. Wrestling is fun, and there's always the game of "who can insult the other one better". One of the guys actually mentioned that I'm too "weird" to be considered a "hot girl". Darn. (I guess I could take that as a sort-of compliment that if I were to shut up and sit there like a lady I could be "hot") (haha yea right.) I think about the way I act on a daily basis, and hang my head in shame (all the while hiding a smirk). As J---- likes to put it, I "fail at being a girl."
Story time!
This one time I got bored with doing schoolwork and asked my roomate to borrow her french manicure set. (Since I have no nail polish of my own.) I tried very hard to follow the simple instructions she gave me. I struggled with the tiny black brush attached to the end of the tiny little stick that is attached to the cap of the not-so-tiny nail polish bottle. (It's ingenious, I know) First, the white colored polish for the tips. Of course it turned out a mess, and I kept going over the line of the tips of my nails and onto the pink area. Not to mention my fingers were turning white and sticky with all the "oops" and "oi" strokes. Then the creamy-peach translucent polish. Too dense of a layer here, too thin of a layer there. A huge lump here, but oh, maybe that'll dry okay. NOPE. To my dismay, I turned out looking okay from a few feet away, but nothing closer than arm's length. I sat and stared at my finished project, ashamed that I had wasted so much of her nail polish.
So is that it? I don't have that many female friends because simply, I'm just not female enough? Hmmm, it just could be that simple. "Elementary, my dear Watson." Thanks, detective Holmes.
Update on the squirrels: things have been quiet around here lately. I haven't been attacked yet, but I feel as though they may be up to something...
