Every tuesday and thursday 8:30-10:30 AM I get to sit in lovely MS4000A with its ever-running air conditioning and attend PhySci 3 : Intro to Human Physiology. (It's actually pretty interesting.)  Much to the dismay of my respiratory system, however, the guy that chooses to sit in front of me insists on drowning himself in cheap cologne.  (It might even be some deodorant spray.)  Everytime he sits down in front of me, I want to gag. And there have been several times when I've fought the urge to lean over and make the suggestion to him to stop this ritual drenching.  I think the situation is made worse by the way he presents himself visually: unkept bed-head hair, thick lens glasses with thin wire frame, a sloppy t-shirt with the shoulder line down to his meaty arms where fat has conquered muscle.  Not to mention the t-shirt always looks like something dragged out of a hamper last minute, in addition to either worn-out hand-me-down jeans or a pair of baskteball shorts. To top it all off, there is always the look on his face that presents to you an intellectual mind with no social skills to match. Mouth agape, lips slightly puckered, he stares intently at the professor, furiously jotting down every syllable.  He wouldn't be so different or so much more repulsive than all the other engineer-looking geeks around UCLA if he weren't so enthusiastically olfactorily making up for his lack of style.

I cringe with the thought of having to smell him again on thursday, yet I pause and wonder: who ever gave me the right to criticize him?  How did I ever get into this bad habit of repeatedly judging people I see based on what they look like? (There are two people I can think of who've probably influenced me most, but ultimately I realize it is my own decision to follow.)  I wonder why there is this need to observe and condemn those people who have done nothing but present an unappealing visual to us.  Is it stemmed from a lack of self-confidence?  A need to feel self-righteous? A craving for power?  Or is it simply an eveolutionary mechanism instilled in us by life and by magazines to ensure a choice of mate with the best genetic material?

I feel I can present a realistic example of people who would criticize.  Some people were not considered "good-looking" back in high school.  However, upon entering college, the metamorphosis driven by a need to compensate for lack of previous popularity and a desire to create an entirely new image resulted in seemingly presentable (even attractive) individuals.  Of course, this drastic change goes undetected in the eyes of the new people they meet in college at parties or on campus.  Heads are turned, smiles are flashed, and attention is showered upon these people who have never really experienced this before.  And with this newfound attention comes a growing sense of superiority above others. The sense of superiority draws the critcism from their lips.

Now that's terrible. (And I may only feel that way because I am taught to believe that.) Am I guilty of the above situation as well? Not really, I don't believe. I never really went through the metamorphosis, but I know a few people who have.  So why do I crticize?

I think my mental withdrawal from "ugly" people probably comes from a lack of self-esteem.  I used to pride myself in not being judgmental, but it seems I can no longer do that.

Now, when I spend my time glancing over the people walking by me, I sift out all those faces and bodies that do not immediately catch my eye. And out of those who do, I dissect with a mind that is critical and bitter.  Most of the time I find myself disagreeing with friends who find certain girls "hot", pointing out to them that if they were to wake up next to said female when all the makeup and the curled/straightened hair has been washed out, they wouldn't feel that way anymore.

I find more and more silent pleasure in the realization that I don't need makeup or hair-curling/straightening (heck, even brushing!) or fingernail painting or brand-name wearing to look good.  I keep hearing this challenge bounce around in my head: I dare every girl out there to do what I do, and not pluck/cut/trim/wax/draw their eyebrows, wear makeup, do/dye their hair, wear pushup bras, paint nails, or any other ridiculous beauty ritual for ONE MONTH. And I would like to see the results of that!  I wish there was a way for me to see what would happen, but I guess that would put the entire cosmetics  industry out of business.  (And, like the conceited-about-being-low-maintenance girl that I am, I KNOW that after this month I would look perfectly normal)

le sigh. so...why again am I so judgmental?
I wish I knew how to stop.