I don't get it, how can I be so into her when she's with me and then when she isn't around I can see objectively? She clouds my judgement, my vision of her with her presence. It's disconcerting.

 She was here last night, apparently; I had already gone to bed and even though I heard the car in the drive and voices in the lounge room I didn't get up. If I had known she was here would I have risen? Probably.

 I'm going to the pub, I wonder if she's working today? I wonder if she's up for a drink, a game of pool? Last time I saw her was saturday night; it was S's birthday and even though I hadn't slept for two nights because of what happened with M I went up to the restaurant to check in. S was happy to see me and understanding of the circumstances, and I left again, but C, the girl I am tearing myself up about, C was working and I stopped to talk to her...

 She always seems so happy to see me, and it kind of hurts, and I don't know why.