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I am not writing this for the intended person(s) to read, I am writing it merely to make myself feel better. The people in question, in my view are self centered and have never been bothered about anyone but themselves.
Dear S***,
This is hard for me to write, especially as it is like saying goodbye to you. Something I once never thought would happen, but now it has and no doubt, you will see it as it being all my fault.
We were friends from the age of 12 and soon we were bestest buddies! We went through first crushes, heartaches, relationships, clubbing, everything, together.
I'd be lying now, if I said I didn't miss you and A**** at times. I have some great memories of the things we used to get up to. We told each other everything. We shared our plans for the future. That was just what friends did. I spent more time at your house than I did at home. Even around Christmas I was there. Your family were amazing, always including me. I considered yours and A***** family mine too.
It may seem like I am looking at things through rose tinted specs. I'm not. I am aware things weren't always perfect. Many a time you irritated me. Little things like you being blonde in personality, and getting easily embarrassed made me laugh. Like, when we went to the cashpoint, you entered the wrong card (you actually put in your college ID card) or when you went flying down the stairs at the hotel we stayed at and told a group full of bar people that it was me. That was hilarious. I know I too wound you up by sometimes getting moody and snappy. I'm not making any excuses for any of that.
I'm talking about the other stuff you did though, and the events that lead up to me finally having the courage to move out and call time on our friendship.
As long as I knew you, you said you were shy. In actual fact, you weren't shy, just lazy. We'd go for meals at pizza hut or go to the shops and even though you sometimes paid for yourself, more often than not you'd make me pay just so you wouldn't have to speak to the person on the other side of the counter. You'd make me wait for you everyday after work had finished so you could go on the sunbeds, all because you didn't want to go on your own. We'd go to the pub to meet new people and you'd stand there messing with your phone. Whoever we were with would be asking "doesn't she want to talk to us" and I'd lie for you, say you were shy, but really, you were downright ignorant.
You've always been really judgemental. You'd easily criticise others for actions that you yourself had done, making out you were so much better than everyone else and that you'd never stoop that low. Sorry, but here's a prime few examples
1) You slated anyone that ever had a 1 night stand - you're guily of the same, on holiday July 2003
2) You called my boyfriend's little sister a sl** for going out with someone older - you're guilty of the same, numerous times
3) You criticised me for sleeping with my boyfriend a month after we met - you're guilty of the same, with R**** and with A**
I guess being two faced is something you just can't change about yourself
4)Your boyfriend "cheated" on you and you did nothing but moan - you're guilty of doing that, only he doesn't know
In spite of some of the things you did, I still loved you enough as a best mate to want to spend time with you. Although me having friendships with other people wasn't allowed. God forbid S*** doesn't have her slave. Yet, I still moved in with you. I was really reluctant to do so, as I thought we would be arguing all of the time, and at first, for a while, we were ok, but then I realised just because it was your Mom's house, you saw the whole property as just yours and these are some of the things you did which made me start to change my opinion about you as a person
1) When the internet in your bedroom stopped working (you were stealing it from other houses vire your wireless laptop) you tried to make me switch rooms. When i said no, you said fine and then suggested I pay for the internet to get connected so you could use your laptop in your room
2)You asked me if I would pay £80 a month for a house phone bill
3)We'd take it in turns topping up the electric and gas meters each week. About 6 times after it was my turn, when it came to yours or A***, you'd both sit there saying it was my turn again, even though i had receipts to prove it wasnt
4)There was no central heating in my room. I could actually see my breath when I breathed. My mother had to lend me a heater, which I plugged into an extension lead so that I could watch tv etc at the same time. Oneday A*** friend decided to tamper with the electrics. Next day, I plug the extension lead into the wall and turn the heater on.Within 20 minutes, I can smell burnt plastic. i go to take extension plug from wall, to get my hand burnt and find the plug won't dismantle itself from the wall. Eventually, A** unplugged it. Then tells me it was the heaters fault. If this was true, why is it my mother used it for over a year and now my father in law uses it with no problems?
5) We'd spend £50 a week on shopping between us, yet only £5 of it was stuff I liked, meaning I was giving you £20 for yourself
6)You'd have parties in the house when I wasn't there, and allow people in my room and let them use my stuff
7)You and your boyfriend went through a box I kept on top of my wardrobe and looked at letters etc that had sentimental value to me
8)You let people sleep in my bed when I wasn't there
9)You started moaning about my friends, family and even boyfriend coming to visit
The final straw, was when I was when i came back from holiday. I'd missed everyone like mad. Within a month I had A**** and you saying that D**** had tried it on with V**** whilst I was on holiday. Bearing in mind you'd lied before to me and that D**** and V**** are both so brutally honest with me all the time, I knew it was crap. What made it worse, was that you were both so crap at lying and caught yourselves out numerous times. Like, if A**** saw D**** she'd tell him infront of me that it was V**** that said it, or she saw V****, she'd tell her that it was all D****. At least lie convincingly! I think you knew that D**** has made me happier than everyone else, and you chose the moment to tell your lie when he was in the army, thinking as he wasn't there, he couldn't defend himself and that I'd easily believe you both. Unlucky for you, it was one of those moments where I woke up and knew the truth deep inside. It was then I started saving and planning to move out. This was early November. D**** left the army and we started planning our future. I don't regret things for a second. I'm happier than I've ever been and those people, those people that genuinley care can tell and have told me so. I would rather have the few friends I have now, than be friends with people that are so fake and so up their own arses.
A lot of it I am to blame for, as I let you get away with stuff. I let you use me for money and use me for time. I let you make me feel guilty when I spent time with other friends. It still doesn’t excuse your behaviour.
New Year I was asked to move in with D**** and his family, so I did, and I’ve never been happier. Now you know why I no longer want anything to do with you, so blame yourself, not me.
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Posted by southernsun on 2008-05-20 03:50:29 | Rating: | Views: 148
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Wow, very raw, very honest.
I'm glad you are happier now than with that ah erm ... friend.
:) Have a good day my friend.
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Posted by EasyToSay
on 2008-05-20 07:57:33
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