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what i want........do i even know?

how do you make a marriage work?
we used to have the idea marriage, my friends wanted my life, maybe it was just so perfect that we couldnt ever keep up to that level. maybe our expectations our to high now. but for 6 yrs we had the perfect life. or atleast perfect for us.
but now we have went to so many counseling sessions or even a marriage workshop, and had so many talks that it has all been beaten to death. honestly what more can be said. at this point it is only actions not words that will make our marriage work.
and i know part of it is my fault. my husband is bipolar and for years and years he did not take medicine and it was me alone, that kept our marriage together, and i will be the first to tell you it took a huge toll on me, it sucked the happiness right out of me. its like i can be happy with anybody around except my husband and then the mood just changes. like i expect him to be a jerk or the tension is always there underlying.
and i expect him to put more effort into the relationship than me. i mean after all i did it for years by myself. and i know that isnt fair or right. i am not always like that and i do always put a effort in but when things get a little off track i think he should pick up more of the slack than me. but it is never gonna work that way will it? its just not fair why doesnt he have to put in as much as i did or do? i guess i feel very taken advantage of or taken for granted. and i just want to have a break from holding it all together. i dont want to be the boss, or the one in charge or the strong one all the time. cant he understand that? he thinks i want to run his life or be the boss of him. no way. its to much work. i want to be the quite, weak one for a while. i want to be taken care of. but he doesnt see me that way at all because i grew up on a ranch, i look girly and sweet, but i can work on a car, run a barb wire fence, cut wood, whatever right along with the best of the guys. (my pace is slower but i can get it done! lol) and i was a single mother when we got together so i know all about working two jobs, juggling work, kids, college. i am a strong woman and i have been most my life. maybe i have just wore myself out, i dont want to be needed i want to be loved and maybe even pampered, i dont know how to explain it, not spoiled or treated like a princess just not taken for granted or not the strong one all the time. i dont want to be in charge of everything. i dont want him to be my boss or for him to give me orders or make all my decisions, i just want for him to step up and take charge sometimes. is that to much to ask? i used to love the fact that he needed me or that i did everything above and beyond for him, it made me feel pride as a wife and i did it out of love for him, my way of showing him how much i loved him. but both of our familys have said it is my fault because i made him this way. because i have done everything for him and made his world perfect for so long. but i feel like i should be able to do those things and him not take them for granted or for him to give back to me. my mom says the reason i feel the way i do is it is like " you have a pot of soup and you keep scooping it out for him and the kids and everyone who needs you (i am the first many call to help out) and then when you are tired and hungry there is no more soup for you to eat to replenish yourself or give you stregnth to keep going" is she right? did i bring all this on myself? i was just trying to be a good wife, friend, sister, daughter, and person in general.
why does life have to be so complicated?
i do love my husband , but i am really afraid i love the man that he used to be not the man he has been for the last few years.