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well as much as i hate to i guess it is time to move on. or atleast try to. this is crazy after all these years

that we are just giving up and getting divorced. but josh wants this i guess. i have tried to talk to him about

it and he sticks to his sullen, quite, strong, manly stance of this is what is best. at first i just thought he

acted that way because he was so hurt and didnt want to show his true feelings or appear weak when he

thought i wanted this divorce but he knows now that i do not want this divorce and he is still stead fast this

is what we need to do. it upsets me so much. i mean dang if he was gonna do this, he should have done

it years ago so that i wouldnt have invested so much time in this. well no thats not right, cause i am glad i

did. i just wish it would have all turned out better. I dont understand why he wants to give up. but i cant

make him stay married to me, and maybe he is right, i dont think so, but maybe there are no more trys left.

maybe this will never work. i just dont understand if he loves me as much as he says he does why he

is walking away. not that i want him to be sad, but it would be nice to see a little emotion like this is

bothering him at all. there is so much i want to say to him, well not really, it just feels like there is so much

to say but really it is just i love you, and i want to make this work, is it to late?, how can you just walk away

with no emotions?, i have no idea how to express what i feel, i have tried little hints etc, and he just sticks

to the macho unfeeling we are getting divorced. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

maybe he is doing what we both need to do. so i guess we will get divorced with him still loving me (maybe)
and me not wanting to be divorced. i dont want things the way they have been for a long time but i dont

want divorced. maybe this is all just hurt because our marriage has about every problem a marriage could

have, maye he is right and this is what we need to do, but if so why does it hurt so much? i HATE this!