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| 15 signs he's the one...... |
okay, so ive been whiney and pathetic and used thoughts to offload some really quite self indulgent depressive rants about my crappy relationship but i would like to express how truly grateful i am for the support of other thoughts members who have given me sound advice and good wishes. its much appreciated.
anyway, as im holed up in bed, bored out of my brain, i have had little to do today apart from browse the internet and idley chat about utter crap and during this time, happened upon a ridiculous article entitled '15 signs he's the one. '
normally i would have huffed and puffed with utter contempt for those pathetic enoughtto give any respect to this sort of girly bullshit but in my current mood found myself clicking on the link and not only reading each point but analysing my relationship using this shite as a model for the ideal partnership. what is wrong with me? have these pregnancy hormones finally pickled my brain? will i now become a regular 'ok' reader and attend mother and toddler groups to discuss the latest celebrity diets and shocking increase in the price of nappies. i am truly afraid.
anyway, for mine and whoever else may find this even mildly amusing, here are the 15 signs and the questions these raised about my own relationship.........
1...he tickles you pink.
well considering i have spent the last goodness knows how long accusing my partner of being the cardboard man, i cant now claim he's a comic genius. sure, we have a laugh at times, but i fear thats often when we're both pissed. im not drinking now because of my pregnancy and have to say........he really aint all that much fun.
2...he loves your bare faced cheek.
i hardly wear any make up. im pretty out doorsy and maybe a lil mumsy. he's never complained and calls me beautiful when he messages me but judging from the 'tarty' types he lusts over when we're out and about, im not sure im exactly his type.
3...he has the same life plan.
god no. he lives like a student and ive been married with children my whole adult life. im a christian and he finds organised religion manipulative and is often incredibly disrespectful of my faith. we're working from a different book, never mind being on a different page.
4...he pushes all the right buttons.
sex.....wow this is a really awkward topic. from the moment i met him, i was attracted to him. everytime he kissed or touched me i wanted him and it was incredibly difficult for me to wait the 3months that we did before anything happened between us. however, as selfish as this man is in every other aspect of our relationship, he is far worse in the bedroom. we have talked very openly about sex and had a handful of incredibly hot nights but i fear without constant direction, the wham bam quickies we have settled into is all that will ever be happening between my sheets as long as im with him.
5...he's your trusty steed.
i guess this is one area i feel fairly confident. im pretty sure he wouldnt cheat.
6...he's a rock steady support.
what a joke. of a list of people i would call for help or support, he is somewhere near the bottom.
7...he has foibles and you love them.
this is true. his quirky ways and imperfections were what made me fall for him so hard in the first place. funny how with the darker side of his character, these quirks become less attractive and more irritating.
8...he challeges you.
oooooh this is a fab one that had me clenching the sides of my laptop. i think its essential that your partner is on a similar intellectual footing for you to be able to communicate effectively. my boyfriend sees me as an absolute bimbo. he speaks to me in the most patronising way and has actually said that he believes some of our problems have been due to our different class status and his, obviously intellectually superior, means of articulating his needs and his opinions, an area i am apparently lacking in. hmmmmm. excuse me while i just bite down on my own fist in sheer frustration.
this is a man who far from developing any ideas or opinions of the world based upon common sense (of which he has none) or life experiences ( of which he has few for a man of his years) spends his day googling and reading other peoples views. yet he maintains an intellectual arrogance based on nothing but textbook ideals.
i have had relationships with men who are genuinely intellectually superior to myself and most people i know.......writers, explorers and researchers who are in touch with the real world and yet never made me feel like i was beneath them. while ian fails to make me feel inferior, the suggestion that i am, by his attitude and and patronising manner, just makes me dismiss anything he has to offer.
9...he gets the thumbs up from your family/ friends /dog.
ian has not been introduced to many of my friends or family. there are a number of reasons for this. firstly, we havent exactly spent much quality time together. he comes over once in the week at around half 7. hes gone first thing to work. then we usually have a weekend evening together where the day is spent with the kids and the night on the piss. end of. however those who have met him have liked him initially. he does come across as a very simple, likeable chap but then have changed their opinions when they have realised just how fucked up our relationship is and how little time and support this man is acually offering me. one of the other comments that is often made is that he is not my type at all and while this didnt seem an issue at one time, im seeing just how comforting sticking to the familiar can be.
10...he makes you wake up happy.
at first, i used to wake up with him in the morning, look over at him and feel this incredible sense of contentment. i was in love and lying next to me was the man who gave me butterflies just by holding my hand. now i look over with suspicon and resentment. why is he with me if he cannot step up and embrace a committed relationship with the woman carrying his child. and why was i so stupid to let my heart rule my head and with a flush of lust, hand a piece of my heart over to someone not worthy of my affections?
11...he's a lover not a fighter.
this is true and its a quality that i love in him. he doesnt do rows. hes not aggressive or confrontational and after spending 10yrs with a man who was incredibly aggressive. i have felt far safer and more secure in his company.
12...he mesmerises you.
while i dont lust after other men, that has little to do with my relationship with ian. ive always been pretty suspicious of the opposite sex and often accused of being a feminist man hater. i look at him and i love him. i also hate the way he treats me. i look at other men and i judge them on the way others have behaved toward me. its a tough cycle.
13...he's given you the key to his skeleton closet.
he doesnt really have any skeletons because he hasnt really lived. ive shared my demons with him and recently he told me a story that chilled me because it just demonstrated what a cold heartless fuckwit he really is. his mother was involved in a car accident and phoned him to tell him what had happened. he was just up the road with a friend but instead of rushing to her aid and making sure she was ok, continued drinking with his buddy because she had not specifically asked him for help. wanker!!!
14...he isnt a scrooge.
i am fairly independant financially so dont expect any assistance from him at all but am sure this is an area that will cause concern when the baby is born as he is unlikely to be able to offer any sort of financial contribution considering he is more than happy earning a basic wage and after paying his bills, pissing the rest up the wall. and im with this man because?????????
to be fair, money is not something that impresses me so i would not judge a man on his income. i have had relationships with incredibly wealthy men yet my longest and most successful was with a tradesmen. my ex husband is an engineer and that was never a consideration of mine before committing to him. however....is he a scrooge? im not sure. this is probably the first time i have ever considered money when thinking about ian but i can say he is definitely the least generous man i have ever met.
15...he's undoubtedly, absolutely, definitely the one.
there was a defining moment fairly early on in our relationship where i looked at ian and thought i could spend the rest of my life with this man. everything just clicked into place in an instant as i looked into his face. there was an innocence, a naivety that made me love him, made me want to look after him and in an almost maternal way made me want to put my arms around him and hold him forever. i just wanted to make him feel loved. sometimes i still feel that same way but while i dont give to receive, i dont think you can have a successful relationship with someone that you pour your heart and soul out to, and receive little in return. you turn into a sad puppy desperate for love and attention. excusing the constant hurt and disappointment as you bask in the scraps of affection that are thrown your way to keep you sweet.
and so that is that.......15 ways to prove hes the one. my boyfriend didnt score too well did he?
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Posted by snugglechum on 2009-07-04 12:59:26 | Rating: | Views: 246
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