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I went to bed at four in the afternoon yesterday. I couldn't stand the snarking anymore.
I knew my sister was pissed off, but she wouldn't tell me why. "Nothing! Nothing's wrong..I'm fine!" as she filed away on her acrilyc fingernails, but didn't come out of her room. Then my daughter was mad at me because she had to borrow money just after she got a very large paycheck.
I did all this with my mother for forty three years. My mind was in turmoil as I was constantly trying to figure out what her mood meant because she wouldn't ever tell me. I knew I had fucked up, but I was usually at a loss as to what it might be. I was born into it, and the manipulation was an everyday head trip that I was supposed to solve. I had my clues and I knew the mood, so then I had to play detective. If I was ever wrong then my day and probably the following day were full of rage filled silence from her. And, now I am done, the day she died was my last day of suffering the effects of manipulation.
I absolutely refuse to deal with this from anyone ever again. That's easier said than done. I'm perfectly trained for it and they know that. Like breathing it is a quick knee jerk reaction to someones discomfort even though it is of their own creation. I jump straight into detective mode and with that comes a sense of responsibility to figure out precisely what the matter is. Then come up with a solution that makes everyone happy. I just don't want to be that person anymore. I'm working on it. The only thing I could think of to do about the situation yesterday was to go to bed and go to sleep. Now my neck is so stiff I can hardly move it while those two birds are perfectly fine. It's a real gyp. I got gyped.
My only consolation is knowing that I can handle this so much better than I did as a child with my mother. Yes, that is definite.
Sure, I handled it. By going to bed and staying there. Any way you look at it, it is bullshit.
Perhaps the geographical change I'm making will help. Something's got to help. |
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Posted by smilinirisheyes on 2008-02-14 10:58:20 | Rating: | Views: 80
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Dont be discouraged. Im sure you are a great mother. This advise may seem awkward as I dont know you and you dont know me, but you commented on my blog and I feel that i can share this with you. You are a good mother and as a teen, I know that parents can really piss you off, but I know that love is very important. I do believe it is your right to know where your daughters 'very large paycheck' is going. You have that right as long as she is living under your roof and as long as she keeps asking you for money. She needs to respect you. Maybe you both should sit down and have a little heart to heart. i know this probably sounds really forward and none of my business, Im sorry for that, but I believe that every child needs to respect their parents and you definitely deserve that much. I hope things work out for you and I'll keep you in my prayers.
Clark
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Posted by fowler
on 2008-02-24 19:39:40
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