| View Blog
|
| Selfish is the word. Although, I dont agree.
|
|
|
My twisted view on reality has come to set in that. I dont want what everyone wants. I am doing certain things to get to a place where I think I could be happy. I dont like people asking the type of questions like: What ever drove you to do that? Why did you do what you did? At the time, It was to make me happy and self-fulfilled and I do belive thats more that enough. Why do you have to portray a self image that isnt yours. I dont think It would make sense to me. I am not the average individual, I always ask more for myself. Not because I am selfish,but rather, I know I can.When has feeling accomplished made anyone feel bad. I sure doubt it. I do not think that anyone could ever say to me that " Ohh I sure hated today when I pushed myself further and I actually accomplished it."
I just got back from watching Sex and the City. Who would not envy 4 girls that have a succesful life, and for the majority of it(life) they spend making themselves happy. Kids were not validation to their excistance. Charlotte spend her life realizing that kids and marriage where what she needed. Samantha loved herself and did what she felt like when she felt like.She understood that 5 years in a relationship was not time wasted but time learning that she wasnt made for one. Miranda changed everything to become someone who she really wanted to be,happy. Carrie understood that to love you dont need 200 people watching you only needed each other. There is all kind of love but the love you have is not from your husband, but your friends.
I do envy the fact that its all fictional that women cannot have that life. Who says that women cannot live in Gucci and Chanel and be happy being themselves. It took four fabulous women and a great writer to say that living at forty is not bad because if you took time to understand yourself, you will realize that just being you take more than a lifetime to understand.
The biggest reason I decided not to ever have kids was that I was selfish because I did not want to give three quarters of my life to a kid that had to do the same thing all over. I might be forgotten in the ashes of tomorrow but I would like to face God someday and say " On earth, I lived my life according to what made me happy, I went running, I ate chinese at three in the morning, I became myself, and I did it without validating my life with a baby that was my grandchildren were not gonna remember me." Maybe God would tell me," That was my plan for you all along for you to understand that you must be happy with yourself to join me" This of course might not happen because I might rot in hell for following earthly desires and not his. I just dont understand why someone gave you the power to have children to always regret that you never lived life to all its potential. I praise the women that can be satisfied with and not argue with their life. To all the mother, you are very brave and strong for giving your life to a baby. I could never do that, I am much to selfish I would rather life of self-fulfillment that give it away. i understand that people do not see that world as I. I will eventually figure out what life brings me. |
|
Posted by smilingsarahy on 2008-05-31 03:12:36 | Rating: | Views: 40
|
| |
|
|
