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Goodness!
I am so tired of being constrained by hormones. Haha Things are really bad. I want to cry because of someone who bouht clothes. I want be skinny to look nice but then I want to be fat and not care so I can eat chocolate and not care about being pretty for boys. I dont want my boyfriend to worry about me. It is scary for me to be emotional.
I am never this bad. I pride myself in being objective, internal, and very very unattached, but not in a day much like today. I hate this feeling of unsatisfaction. I know nothing I Can do will make me feel quite better, but its Okay. This really will pass very soon!
Although bad, today brought to mind quite a few things of what I call my dreams that I always wanted to pursue, like the fact that they only reason I am here in college is not to learn anything, but to earn more income. I always wanted to work be able to enjoy a life that is significantly owned by me. I dont care too much about being millionare or affording things that are way up in the sky. It is not realistic. I just want to make a life that is mine. I want to have a simple life like everyone else. I would like to own a apartment that has 2 bedrooms 1.5 bedrooms that is 2 floors. I would like a spacious living room, and a stainless steel appliances with granite counters. I would like to have a bar because I dont see the point for a fancy dining room. Special Holiday I can spend with my parents or my boyfriends or just take vacations. I would like to take a least at least 1 vacation a year of a week. I would like to afford an extensive closet. BY NO MEANS this mean I want Chanel and those other couture brands. Maybe Bebe as my favorite clothing. I can semi-afford it now. Not to much higher than that. I do like to look nice. Maybe it is too much that I do need to be here busting my ass to get a degree. I just want a simple clean life for me.
Maybe things will be more complicated than I assume,but that is the whole part of trying to make my life trully mine. I want to experience that. I hope that someday I will be able to just make myself happy. Things are difficult. I have expectation to meet. The decision to be here is really so I can start making some of my decision. I get to control my grades and what I make and where I am. My classes are of my chosing or at least the order according to what the university thinks I need to obtain my degree. I do not want to be remembered in this earth as anyone famous, but just to a few people as a really good friend, a great wife, and one heck of a daughter. I respect my parents and I would never rebel against them to prove I could do it by myself. I want them to also take part in my growing apart and becoming my own person. They only raised me, feed me and gave me the best life many people envyed. Yes, they controlled almost all of it, but I think I turned out great.
Today is the day. The day that I realize that there is a time for everything. I need to be patient.
Good Things Come To Those Who Wait.
I am praying to God that is true.
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Posted by smilingsarahy on 2007-12-02 22:35:57 | Rating: | Views: 84
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wow, i have never heard someone who thinks exactlly like me,
well not "exactlly" but close.
All though I am just a freshman in high school & you are a college student, i think the same things. About how living the life under my control. Having my own aparment.
I want to be skinny, but fat as well :]
ha ha,
I hope you are doing great with your degree.
much luck is wished to you.
God bless.
:D
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Posted by sunshinelafoy
on 2007-12-02 22:49:57
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Hey, great post! That sounds a lot like how I feel! Sometimes I wanna look hot because it seems like skinny girls are what guys like, but then I'm like, "WTF? Why should I change myself to please others?" Also, I enjoy being fit, so that's more of a motivator than pleasing guys. However, as a thickly built girl, all those skinny messages the media is sending out can get to you. . . .
As for the rest, I think I get it. I think about the rest of my life and how I'm gonna spend it. Which includes everything from bills, to houses (I already know what I want in my house, and I'm only a sophomore in high school.) I even know where I want to live.
Anyhoo, this comment is too long. =P I really enjoyed reading what you had to say!
jinxx
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Posted by jinxx
on 2007-12-03 08:43:15
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I know for sure that love takes people by surprise. I see it all the time! LoL Plus, for some reason, the stage of my life that I'm in right now always has love surprising me at every turn. However, I hope that I will make good choices about sex and respecting my body. I will try hard not to let my hormones carry me away. For me, three months is not an acceptable length of time to have passed to get seriously sexually active. Kissing and holding hands, yes. Cuddling, yes. Honest-to-goodness-stark-naked-sex? No way. I do realize, however, that these are my own opinions and decisions, and I respect everyone else's right to choose and decide for themselves. :-)
It's great that you're in a healthy relationship! For some sad reason, truly healthy relationships are hard to find nowadays. I'm so glad you have one! Take good care of it: Love should be cherished! :D
I'll keep reading your posts, too!
jinxx
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Posted by jinxx
on 2007-12-03 20:59:00
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It's good to have goals in life and to strive hard for them. Everyone wants to be in control of their lives. I've found though that, no matter what you achieve or what you have, you'll never ever be totally satisfied. I think it's human nature to always want more.
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Posted by hairytoad2005
on 2007-12-03 21:10:49
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