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| Confession of thoughts |
To many times I sit and do nothing but think. I watch things go on around me in my own home. Like watching someone do what I was doing and realizing that I'm playing with fire. I've lied to myself and others and that's not right. I get bored and get online and talk to people pretending that I'm someone I'm not.
I made the decision that its time for me to come clean about what I've been doing. My other half has been spending his time online talking to a woman all the way over in Japan. He's been talking to her for over two years. I know for a fact the this woman is in love with him and in some ways I think its my fault. I keep doing things and i know why, I have fallen out of love and have been trying to get those feelings back that I had. But, all my efferts haven't helped. I've been turning him away because I don't want to be honest with him. That's not right.
He says he has strong feelings for me and I know that I care very much for him. I think what scares me is that he'll come to realize that this is his soulmate that he's been talking to and finally decide that its time for us to break up. As much as I'd like to try to find a way to solve my own problem, right now I'm using this to put my thoughts out so I can see where and how i want to deal with this.
I know I've missed up and there is no easy way to deal with this problem I'm having.
I also think that I'm making myself sick. I'm not totally sure of what all is going on with me. Haven't been able to sleep right, having strange dreams. Sometimes I think that I'm trying to starve myself. I haven't been eating all that will.
Over all, I guess that I'm just very confused. I'll try to figure it out something. I guess its a good thing to use this as a way to get some things off my chest. Thanks for reading.
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Posted by smblomker on 2009-11-02 18:09:12 | Rating: | Views: 13
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