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What do you do when your love for traveling interferes with your relationship? What do you do when traveling is your full time job and your significant other wants you to quit? What if you suspected that your significant other was cheating on you because you were never home but you didn't have proof - unitl of course, you did? See, until 3 weeks ago, I was engaged, inlove and happily living together with my future husband. But then after one of my trips, I came home and stumbled upon an email from a girl saying she missed my fiance and wanting nothing more then to be with him. I felt sick to my stomach... Now, its 3am and I'm home alone while he's probably out with her. He told me today that he was moving out. I'm sad but infuriated that he would do this to me NOW at 36 years old. More on my love life to come...for now, am I to blame?
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Posted by skyhigh on 2007-10-21 00:08:56 | Rating: | Views: 85
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Dear skyhigh,
It really hit home when I saw this posting.
I can feel your hurt as that happened to me once. I was pretty young back then when it happened and I was still a very unbalanced and really confused person.
I won't tell you my whole life story but it really had a strong influence on what I did after it happened.
I'll just tell you about what is relavent to your situation.
Back in 1972 I decided to become a truck driver and like you I was gone away from home for long periods of time, and I was gone very often. Not very condusive to a two year old marriage.
Well in 1975 I was on my way back home from a cross country trip after being out on the road for three weeks.
My co-driver and I came upon another truck driver who was broken down on the side of the road and we stopped to give him a hand. He had been driving for over twenty hours without a break and now he was having transmission problems.
Well we got him going again but he couldn't keep his truck onthe road because he was just too tired to drive. So I volunteered to drive his truck for him and my co-driver would follow us.
Sure enough somehow we got seperated from eachother so when I and the guy got to Houston Texas, I waited for Glenn ( my co-driver) at the first truck stop just outside town. He never showed, to this day I don't know why. He drove straight to the company we were taking our load. He unloaded there, got himself another load and headed back to Orange County California where we were both from. And he just left me ther to get home on my own.
I didin't realize that I had left my wallet in our truck so there wasn't any way for me to get a money order or cash so that I could get a bus ticket home, so I did what any 25 year old guy in my place would do. I stuck out my thumb and started hitch hiking home.
It was somewhere around SanAntonio that a car pulled over to pick me up, but instead of opening the door to give me a ride, three guys jumped out, told me to give them my money, (which I had none) and when I didn't give them any, they proceeded to beat the living shit out of me.
[ hang in I'm getting to it]
Well I laid in a ditch on the side of the road for three or four days.
When I was able to get up and start hiking again, a traveling salesman picked me up, he couldn't belive that I had survived the beating. I was a horrible mess. I was covered with dried blood from head to tail.
He took me to the very next gas station and he wanted to call the police or take me to the hospital, but I just wanted to get home to my wife and kids.
The man' name was Jerry and he was going to LosAngeles, so Orange County was on his way.
He dropped me off right at my apartment.
My wife was still at work, so I had to get our manager to let me in.
Altough I had called my wife the night before and we both cried about what had happened. I was really not prepared for what happened when she got home from work that day.
Of course I had cleaned up and everything, but when she got home she took one look at me, ran into my arms and hugged me to the point that I thought she was going to squeeze all of the air out of me.
We were both crying and hugging and kissing, when she whispered in my ear that she had cheated with a friend of ours while I was gone.
That's when the air in me was really gone and the room began to spin and I litterately fell onto our sofa.
My crying had stopped and i was stunned to the point that I couldn't even ask her why.
I walk to our bathroom to our medicine cabinet where I proceeded to eat every pill in the cabinet.
I went back to the living room, sat on the couch and just stared into space.
No skyhigh, you are not the blame, and I know how so badly it hurts. I could only wish at that moment the pills would do their job and I could be over the horrific pain I was going through.
Obviously they didn't and today I am so damn glad they didn't. But at that time I felt there was no reason for me to go on living.
Gosh I was really touched by your posting, as I can still remeber that hurt like it was yesterday.
There are a mirriad of reasons our marriage had come to that point, and I guess you can blame me being gone often, and for some long periods of time. I know that contributed to our divorce but the falling apart came with just more than me being gone. There were many many factors that brought about what happened to us. We both played a role in what tore us apart and it was not just my job.
We were young and inmature when we first got married. We had all these grand ideas of what we were going to do as a married couple, but mostly we forgot what it takes to make a marriage work. You must first and most importantly be able to talk with eachother and express your needs. We didn't know that then and we didn't do it.
Your job won't always be the same, and in the future you will be able to choose how much you travel and maybe then you will find someone who will be more understanding and more secure with you. You will be able to comunicate your feelings much better without making demands,and placing ultimatums upon eachother.
It will be then that you will truely find your partner in life who will help you grow and achieve all the things you both want out of life.
Hang in there girl all things come to those who wait.
Love & Peace,
jwcj
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Posted by jwcj
on 2007-10-21 04:33:03
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Well, sex is really really important to guys and I'm thinking that you were gone for periods longer than he cared to go without. At the same time, he knew what the relationship was going into it. So I would say he is in the one at fault. And I'm really sorry that it hurts.
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Posted by Fracture
on 2007-10-21 21:19:05
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JWCJ - wow. Let me wipe the tears from my eyes. Skyhighs post really touched me, yours broke my heart. I can't imagine what you must have gone through. Both of you are survivors.
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Posted by Whitters
on 2007-10-22 13:56:44
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JWCJ...thanks for sharing your story with me. I'm sorry all that happened to you but I'm sure you're a stronger person from it now! When I read your posting I realized, I'm not alone and it helped me to cope with my own situation and to realize, things do get better.
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Posted by skyhigh
on 2007-10-23 09:01:43
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