one day i have to leave the house for good to finally free myself from pain, trauma and phoebia.  to have that peace i wanted.  to do things from my own judgement not to be held on the neck for every thing that i must or should do.

i experience loneliness and pain and hurt for this is the first time i'd be away from my family out of my own decision to live independently so i can learn more about life before i would have to engage in any big important change in my life.

sometimes i wondered if the choice was good for me or did it just worsen the situation i had to deal with everyday. my decision was interpreted the other way and i felt like i am the silent black sheep in the family. hard to believe but this is how i thought they look at me.

i was expected and believed to be the best daughter, obedient and kind, yet i failed to meet that expectation and i am tired of meeting every person's expectations.

i realized i wouldn't learn in life if i have to do things just to please every person surrounding me, forgetting my own self worth, forgetting that i have a decision and a life of my own to live.