My whole world shattered days after I found out that I have days to live.  It was a shocking news when the doctor told me about my health but I was as calm as the lake. 

My boyfriend was teary-eyed at that time and I was consoling him as if he was sick and I was fine when was the opposite. He held my hand tightly telling me that he will always be there no matter what happens.

Deep inside, I wanted to believe his words but I just couldn't.  I knew he would be flying out sooner or later and nothing can stop it even my health. Whispering into his ears I told him, I would be fine without him, he has to go because that was his job.

He hugged me tight and cried even more.  He said he couldn't leave me but I was pushing him away.  In my thoughts, if I was really that important to him then he would know what to do, right?

Tomorrow was another day.  I got up from my bed with a heavy head.  I vomitted twice before I took my breakfast and as I went to the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror, it was there when the doctor's words sank into me.  It pierced my heart so badly that I cried.  Would you ever believed that it was the first time I looked up the mirror again? Yes, it was.  I had stopped looking from it when I noticed something has changed physically. Escaping away from the truth that I was sick.

The doctor said I have five days to live.  I felt so strong still yet I am dying.  I'm not dying of a cancer or anything.  I am dying because of carelessness. I had myself injected accidentally while doing blood test of patients.  I was talking with my boyfriend on the cellphone while I was holding the syringe filled with the patient's blood sample.  I slipped on my way to putting it to the test tube.  I didn't mind about the syringe but the cellphone.  It fell out from my hand, trying to catch it right above my head with both my hands, the needle stuck to my forehead. 

I didn't pay attention to it but day by day I felt so different.  I experienced the same thing as the patient complained.  My boyfriend never knew about me being clumsy at that time.

Hmmm, that was it and now I am counting the days. My boyfriend flew to Iraq because he is a military but every now and then he is contacting me.  I guess, when it's time for me not to open my eyes again, he can never see me because I had asked my family to have my body burned.  The talk in the hospital was our last meeting as it was also the day of his scheduled flight.

Sad but maybe it was better for both of us to be apart so it will not be harder for me to leave and it wouldn't be hard for him to move on.