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I have allowed myself to get caught talking to other men. I was talking to a "friend" of mine, about sex, cheating, flirting outrageously, and was careless enough to let my husband overhear the conversation. I expected to feel shame, or something. Nothing. Not an ounce of contrition, just a strange thrill, that I had been caught. He was of course devastated, can't trust me, doesn't know who I am anymore...ect. I can't help him, I don't even know who I am anymore. I am certainly not the meek woman he married. Nor am I a happy woman, a glad woman, a woman who loves her husband and her life. I am a tired, vague, disintered woman. Until I talk to these other men, A. and others who boost my self esteem, make me feel like a sexual being, an adult, and accepted, loved person. More than I can say for the husband. I also met up with A. again, under the pretense of "seeing how he was doing." We went out for drinks, talked softly at one another, and danced around the one thing on both of our minds. It was sweet, pleasant, almost a tease. And when it was all over, time for me to return to my bitter little home, he gave me the sweetest kiss. It lit up my eyes, and his too. Then he did it again. It is a kind, soft start to God only knows what. But at this point it doesn't even matter. For now I have to see this thing called my marriage through to the bitter end. Which, in my estimation, can't be far off.
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Posted by sinsation on 2007-10-10 21:01:31 | Rating: | Views: 112
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Don't feel guilty for wanting to feel like a women who is loved and needed, who needs to be told she is sexy and beautiful. If you are happy then everyone around you is happy. Let your husband know how you are felling. make him sit down and listern to you. Don't yell and scream and blame anyone, but make him listern to you and what your needs are. Tell him you aren't happy with how the marriage is going. Be honest with him. And either you will be able to work on what you have and save it or not. But you will know that you have made an effort. It is up to you on how much effort.
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Posted by KP
on 2007-10-11 06:07:40
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