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I have been thinking of the other man, A. A. is sweetly sensual, a flirt of the worst kind. He always has a smile in his eyes or on his lips. He jokes about inappropriate touch as he puts his hands on my hips in passing. He is a man I can picture lounging with after a casual, slow romantic interlude. A represents all the things my husband can never be. Thoughtful, sweet, attractive, a sexual creature for me to wrap my mind and body around. But my husband has given me two children, a paycheck when I didn't feel up to making my own way. He has been paid back for these things, through money, unwanted sex, meals and a faked enthusiasm for his favorite sports teams. And now I feel like we are equal, and the debt has been paid in full. Which leads me back to A. whose eyes more than capture my imagination. The only question that remains is whether or not I am truly that ruthless. Can I sleep with the man I want while getting rid of the one I am stuck with? Can I give myself that sort of licence to be rotten? I want to, badly. I want to be electrified at the touch of a man, not disgusted. And A. sets all of my alarms off. Perhaps I will find it in myself to commit that sort of atrocity. To murder my marriage in cold blood, because once I have sinned, there will be no going back. There will be no penance, no redemption. I know this, and have demanded that it be that way. Because once I have been driven far enough out of this marriage to land on someone else's lap, there is no way that I will want to go back. As it is, I find myself more and more looking for a way to bring the finality I desire to this marriage. Words don't work, leaving doesn't work. My husband understands none of these things, refuses to accept that his packed bags mean the end. Perhaps this is the only way to make him see that I am serious. And so help me, if that is the case, then when I straddle another man, when I literally ride to freedom, I will do so without a guilty conscience, but with the self satisfied grin of the avenged.
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Posted by sinsation on 2007-09-30 16:30:56 | Rating: | Views: 229
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How would you feel, if your husband came home, and told you about another woman that he's been thinkin' about havin' somethin' sexual with.? Just be easy on your husband. I believe he needs to know this asap...
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Posted by olp76
on 2007-09-30 17:22:22
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This is the agreement i make with myself whenever i'm in a relationship...if i ever seriously consider cheating on someone i break up with them first. If my eyes and mind are wondering it obviously means that i'm not as in love with the person i'm with as i thought. If you want to be fair and consider the "debt" paid, you should just leave him. Just take into consideration the fact that one day your kids will know what happened if you chose to go the cheating way..how will that make you look in their eyes?
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Posted by ForgottenOne
on 2007-09-30 18:54:30
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Well, I am in the same boat as you right now and I have crossed the line..and it was wonderful!! We meet once a week and have a blast for a couple of hours. No ties and we know we can't be together,we are both married. We are just looking for someone to want us, without any strings.
I have caught my husband cheating years ago. I'm not doing it to get back at him. I'm doing this because "S" makes me feel good about me. We have known eachother for many years and there has always been a sexual connection but we've resisted till about 6 months ago.
I would do it again if given the chance.
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Posted by sparkles
on 2007-10-01 20:57:37
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I say go ahead...but be very aware that this is not love, but lust.
The lust will vanish eventually and you will find yourself alone.
Having said that, I don't think you love your husband anyway (not enough to stay with him), so it's best you part whether there is another man in the picture or not.
Just be VERY sure you don't love your husband anymore because like you said, there is no going back.
Think of your children too and try to find a happy medium...just don't do this for lust or to "avenge" your husband...and keep in mind that the grass is NOT always greener on the other side.
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Posted by Cecy24
on 2007-10-02 11:14:16
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I think you are being very unfair to your husband. If you you want this new man ..just divorce. I would rather be dumped than cheated on.
Go and be single....then no one would have anything to say about your new exciting man.
Just a warning...the sexual excitement dies down in any relationship.
Love is a choice...not a feeling of butterfly feelings associated with sex.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2007-10-04 07:50:47
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If your husband read this...it would kill him emotionally.
Is that payback enough?
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2007-10-04 07:51:54
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I would consider very carefully what it is that is boring you in your marriage, it sounds like you have given your husband a role in you rlife and now that role has come back and bitten you on the butt you don't like it.
It is not too late to grow and change your marriage into something as erotic and more true than the longing in a horny stranger's eyes.
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Posted by auzloz
on 2007-10-04 17:24:41
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