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I really need some help. I need to get C. out of my mind, my heart, my soul. His passion runs thorugh my veins. His name comes to my lips as naturally as breathing. And a deep yearning resides in my chest. I love him with a desperate longing that is slowly crippling me.
We got into a disagreement and now he won't speak to me. He says he can't get close to someone like me. Someone who pushes boundaries, he thinks I'm a dangerous person to be close to, because some day, I will get hurt. I thought he just wanted to be friends, with benefits. I don't know what this means. Why it matters all of the sudden, and why I am so disposable.
How do you just drop a friend? How do you just write someone off whom you profess to care about? Do I matter that little to him? I'm lost, and it hurts, and I can't even ask him why. If I do in fact mean so little, have so little impact, then what am I doing in his life in the first place?
I can't take this anymore. I can't be this person, this sad replica of who I know I should be. I feel like losing him is like losing a vital part of myself. And I hate it. I hate loving him I hate wanting him to be with me, to care about me and grasping at straws. The heart should know better than to hang on for so long. It isn't strength, it's stupidity. Because there is a knife wedged soundly in my emotions. That I could be so easily cast aside and mean so little.
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Posted by sinsation on 2008-08-25 13:51:34 | Rating: | Views: 43
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