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I am here, doing nothing. I haven't contacted A. in the last few days. I want to, but my husband has been suffocatingly close to me. He looks at me like a puppy sometimes, obviously trying to please me, make me happy or loving. I feel nothing but scorn when he does this. As if he carries some incurable desease. If it is a sickness, it consists mostly of apathy, lack of ambition, stagnance. I am a busy, fast moving, fast thinking person. I do no drugs because they impede me, and I do not like to be impeded. I don't drink and get drunk, for the very same reason. Some say I am a control freak, and that is not the case. I just need to maintain control of myself, my mind, actions, so on and so forth. That is more than a lot of people can say. So it is no surprise that his little antics, his sad little attempts at placating me are repulsive. If he truly wanted to please me, make me respect him or love him, he would put down the marijauna pipe, finish high school, finish college, be more than what he is. But he will not and I was a dumb enough woman to think I could change that. I had hoped that his "nice" personality would somehow metamorph into ambition to match my own. He used to be nice, responsive to me, but not anymore. Now I can see that really and truly, all it has ever been is a ploy to have someone act as a mother to him, while providing sex at the same time. Sickening. I hope he enjoys the fresh folded underwear in his drawer, the neatly lined up shirts, because there is no more sex. Now I am here, stuck, with two children in the middle, sexual bliss on one side, marriage on the other, and apperantly nowhere to go but up. This must be purgatory.
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Posted by sinsation on 2007-10-03 10:58:27 | Rating: | Views: 165
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don mind honey....m ther u don worry......may i help u out********
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Posted by raj_basu
on 2007-10-03 11:33:03
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Sounds like Living Hell in your mind.
I kind of feel sorry for your husband.
Does he know how you feel about him?
Maybe some encouragement may help him out.
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Posted by DifficultSoul
on 2007-10-04 07:46:17
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yes- you deffo need to sit down and be straight with him. Also listen- he sounds as miserable as you.
if you are to move on either together or apart, a big dose of honesty is required.
A happy seperation is always going to be better for your kids, and for you.
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Posted by auzloz
on 2007-10-04 17:28:09
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