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I told my husband it is over last night, finally. I can't do anything else to salvage this marriage, so it is time to let it go. And for the first time in at least two years, I felt genuinely happy, in control of my life. This is an amazing thing! He called me all night long, threatening me, cajoling me, crying then screaming them whimpering and crying again. The more he tried to convince me that I needed to stay with him the stronger I grew in my conviction that I have made the right choice for myself and my children.
What amazed me was that my decision to leave him stemmed from myself, not anyone outside of my marriage. I was not thinking of C. or A. or my friends or family, I was only thinking of how fed up I was of everything having to do with him, and how very weary marriage had made me. I am ready to be free of the burden that it has become, and I have felt this good in ages. I thought for sure that the only thing holding me back from leaving him was my confusion over other men, other aspects of my life. I see now that the only reason I didn't do this sooner was that I was afraid to, afraid to hurt him, or leave my children and myself without a home and a family. We can find a home, we will always be family, just as their father will always be a family with them. I can accept this, and I can accept his tears and frustration, and not feel bad for it. I am ok with the way things are going.
So for now, no matter how I feel about anyone else, I am concentrating on fixing my own life, taking care of myself and my children. I love and appreciate the especially wonderful people in my life like C. and a few select others, for all of their support and love and acceptance. But I am not ready to dedicate myself to any of them, beyond the incredible bonds of friendship that have been forged for years. Wish me the best, I am finally ready for it.
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Posted by sinsation on 2007-11-28 15:27:37 | Rating: | Views: 85
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Good luck but be careful. Tears mean something. You could find yourself very happy but no-one to laugh or cry for you and with you. Sometimes, men just loose the connection, but the very special ones realise what they've done.
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Posted by tiente
on 2007-11-28 19:25:04
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Glad to hear you make a decision... and what comes next who knows, something good will come. Just live more than a little... there's always something out there for everyone to live more... love will come later but friends, that's forever.
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Posted by hairyLGS
on 2007-11-28 21:23:15
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