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| how to erase the love of your life
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It's easy to erase the person who holds your heart. Just get hurt, deeply and without regard. That's all it takes to watch everything you hoped for, everything you planned, everything that made you want to live disappear. Wait until they step on you so hard that you feel the difficulty breathing. Realize that there are cockroaches that have more value than you in thier eyes and all of the sudden it's easy to forget what you wanted, why you wanted it, and that you are worth the desire.
C. has made it clear that I am no more than a waste of space, a pointless, nameless face in a sea of similiarity and discontent. To have his disdain confirmed was akin to being shot in the heart. I couldn't breath, I couldn't see, and mostly I didn't want to be. Existance is hard when you have no value. I hate him.
I would trade most anything I have to make this pain go away. But it won't, so the best option that I have is to forget. I drank tonight, and then I laughed. I didn't think I could anymore, but there you have it. I have never laughed so hard in my life. Perhaps love is too elusive and elite for me, but laughter is there, and I exist in it. I am hurt in a deep and profound way, but if I can laugh I can live. Wish me the best.
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Posted by sinsation on 2008-08-26 03:28:55 | Rating: | Views: 61
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