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I have been bombarded recently with advice from well meaning friends, strangers, women in the grocery store regarding my life. I feel the need to get this off of my chest. I need no emotional compass. I know perfectly well the difference between right and wrong, and I can live quite well without the well meaning words and gestures of those trying so hard to guide me down the path to happiness and emotional wellbeing. I never claimed to be a good person. I am not a case of fundamental misguided notions. I am a basket case of bad thoughts, mean ideas, anger and hopeless dissatisfaction for the state of my life. So are you. At one point or another every single person reading this had been just as fucked up in the head as I am. I realize that, and respect you for it. I know that the things I choose to do and write about aren't nice. They aren't right, they are immoral, mean, and wrong. But I have the courage to write about them honestly, with no veneer of sticky sweetness. I don't pretend to like the things I am doing or thinking, but I refuse to pretend that I am doing or thinking otherwise. I know that regardless of how rotten I may be in this slice of life, there are others where I have acted and continue to act with suprising grace, thoughtfulness, kindness toward others. I will get back to that point, in all areas of my life, at some point. But I am not afraid to be a pendelum swinging wildly in the wrong direction. I am only human, as are you. Every single person who has ever lived had committed one atrocity or another against themselves, their loved ones, others around them. But I also truly believe that every person who ever was had at least one shining moment of the best that human nature has to offer. So please, tell me what you think, what you think I should do, who or what I should change or leave alone. But do it with the knowledge that I am aware, I do think and feel, and I know what it is that I am doing. For better or worse, I promised to be honest above all else in this blog. Now I have only to keep my word.