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I have been talking to A. again. It is always the same, the laughing, joking, teasing, just on the edge of something more. I read once about "emotional affairs" and this just may qualify. An emotional affair is when you haven't physically cheated, but you find yourself fantasizing, confiding in, being more social with a "friend" than you should be. You convince yourself that it is all fun and games, harmless flirting. But sooner or later, it always becomes more. It causes a breakdown in communication with your significant other, leading to resentment, dissatisfaction, and even more "harmless" communication and flirting with your friend. It's easier to relate good feelings to the friend because you share none of the stresses of real life together. There is no talk of who is paying the cable bill, how to pay for junior's braces, what to do about the mortgage. It can be nothing but fun, worry free fluff. Eventually you sleep together, get to feeling so comfortable that you leave your sig. other, or feel so guilty that you quit talking to the friend and try to repair your marriage/relationship/whatever. Here is what I want to know. What does it mean if you only started your emotional affair after deciding you hate your spouse? Is it something different if I went into it with the knowledge of what you are doing, looking forward to the outcome? And what does it mean if I knew exactly what this would mean, the further degredation of my marriage, breakdown of ties with my husband, and the eventual, inevitable moment when I decide to go all the way down the path of sin? I don't know, but I do know is that I will be seeing A. at somepoint mid next week. Until then, I will sit, waiting to see what becomes of this little melodrama, this farce of a marriage. On the up side, I find myself feeling more benevolent towards my husband after a good talk with A. I am nicer, kinder, more forgiving of his mistakes. I hate him less after talking to another man. That has to have some contextual meaning as well.
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Posted by sinsation on 2007-10-06 21:04:43 | Rating: | Views: 128
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