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It's hard to realize that after so much this is who I am. I'm not necessairly what I want to become but it's okay for now. Life is always about struggle and making it. It's always about being better than your parents. Oh man how I've tried to be better than them. In a way I think it's kind of drievn me into the ground. I kind of know what it's like to be a victim of my own success.I was raised by my mom who wasn't the est parent in the world but I can honetly say she tried. My father was never in the picture and I'm kind of grateful for that in a way. Seeing as strict as he is I would have been very rebelious. However it's like no one really ever paid any attention. Growing up I got away with so much. I mean I fell in love at a young age with someone and man that just ran me ino the ground and since then I dwelled on hope that I would end up with him. I mean not to mention that he lead me to beliee that he wanted to be with me also. Then of course I'm forgotten about and hes moved on with his life just as it was when we were younger.
Then I met Mike my current b/f who I love with all my heart and who I've tried to understand. I an to be there for him because I love him. I want to show him that not everone turns their back on the people they love. How can you do for someone who doesn't want to do for themselves? it's so hard to keep pushing him to be something and he just won't budge. I mean after 5 yrs. isn't it enough time to get yourself together and realize that this is it?
This is life and this is who I'm gonna be with.
after everything I'm still the one left behind and I'm always struggling.
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