So last night in my stupid little head, I thought, "Let's chat with Chris and see what he's been up to". Not such a good idea. Note to self- when still in love with an ex, don't talk to them, it's only going to be bad. He's been dating someone for 4 months now. He's been promoted in his job, owr dog is adorable, he's still got friends, and more importantly he's been seeing someone for 4 months. I want to die. Of course I want him to be happy. I do. I just kinda wish it was with me. So here's me: pathetic lonely grad student with absolutely no life; and here's him: superfantastic sleeping with another girl and making oodles of money to spend on her and my dog. Granted I have my own dog now, but he gave that dog to me as a gift and then kept it after we split, so damn it it's my dog. So anyway, I hate my life. I do. I have this enormous sense of failure looming over me at all times. I keep trying to stay positive, and it keeps getting harder. I just can't seem to get past the bad anymore. I really thought I was over him, I really did, but as soon as I saw that he's been with someone for a while now, my heart broke all over again. This can't be the way a normal woman lives. It just can't. But I don't know what to do anymore. I really thought we'd be together forever. But it's been a friggin year!!!! I keep telling myself to get over it and moe on. But I've been trying, I really have.  I just don't know where to go from here. I hate that I can't get my old self back. Before Chris I was this feircely independent woman, no cares about men and I knew exactly what I wanted out of life. Now not so much. He came along and I changed my plans for him and then he changed my plans completely. Now I'm here, winging it. A confused, sloppy, pathetic mess. ARGH! I hate it. I gotta get outta this slump! I will, I know I will, but damn it how is he seeing someone after promising forever? FOREVER! I don't understand...I thought I had found everythiing I had ever wanted in a man, in my life. I had it all, now I feel like I have nothing.  And I'm fat. I'm a fat sloppy pathetic loser who will end up alone...Ugh...How do I get out of this horrible slump? I'm not this person, I'm not. I just can't get the thought of him making love to another woman out of my head. It's awful. I'm 22 for Pete's Sake!!!!I feel like a 45 year old divorce`. Help!