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should i stay or should i go?

truthfully my last blog wasnt posted by me it was posted by my ignorant selfish bf. so...lets bring some light to what he said..there was a guy that i fucked that lived up stairs from where i used to live with my grandma. i dont talk to him anymore and havent in a while. but i should have told him anyways but once again i didnt because i dont think he wanted to know to know i think he wanted to know so he can have something to throw in my face in the fututre. but up until now he has said he didnt have an interest in the girl who lives 2 blocks away from him that he had to go to her store all the time. that he said he chose me over and lost contact with her but all of a sudden they have to text each other everyday and talk to each other. magically this happened around the same time that his magical lock came on his phone that i dont know the unlock code to STILL. but anyways i guess ill always be the bad guy in our relationship. but last night we once again was having a convo where we "keep it real" and he said i forced him into a relationship. now how that happened i have no idea. so he didnt want to be with me so why be with me? its not like i dont have problems so why didnt he walk out? like im pregnant not by him so y would u be forced in a relationship that u dont want to be in with someone who has issues? if u like being single dont lead me on because there was nothing that i did in the beginning to lead him to think this would be a fling. i mean if u was just trying to fuck then who cuddles with their "person they just fuck"? why send me all those messages just to fuck my head up where i was thinking u was feeling me on a different level. but im not mad...all im saying is im starting to think that we arent going to work out. i respect his decision to tell me the truth but that doesnt make it hurt less. like imagine having the perfect person for you in front of ur face but you're not the one for them. how am i supposed to feel knowing that he might not think of me as the person he'll be with forever. i want him to father my sons and daughters he is so perfect. but in a relationship im starting to feel like everything is different. i dont feel special anymore in our relationship. like if this were a marriage we'd be going through a separation right now. i feel like i disgust him, like he hates to come home, or stay for that matter. id give him his space, but i know we're not going to have a relationship after that. he did say he wanted to have sex with other people maybe we should just end it now...and stop wasting each others time. but y lead me on if u didnt want to be with me then u shouldnt have. i dont understand. i dont feel special anymore and it hurts sooo bad. i want to leave him but it kinda sucks trying to be in a relationship with someone elsewhen u have the perfect image in ur head of what they should be. i cant change him and i know that but i want him to. i want him to want me like i want him. i want him to be happy to see me and miss me when he's gone and want to hold me at night.