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| hoping for the best, preparing for the worst
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Well, last night I finally told my husband that he has until the end of the year for things to get better, or I'm leaving. I'm so sick of the constant fighting... it's like I'm not allowed to have an opinion. I think the fact that I gave him a deadline scared him. I do think he'll try to get along... I just wonder how long it will last. Just like last time I threatened to leave... we managed to go nearly a week without a big fight... but there was still tension.
If it weren't for the fact that our oldest daughter is nearly three, and it would be really hard on her having her parents living 1500 miles apart, I would have given up already. I know she loves us both dearly, and I don't want to break her world apart. On the other hand, the situation she's in now isn't good for her either. I'm just so afraid that whatever choice I make will be the wrong one. Maybe there isn't a "right" choice in this case...
I would love it if things went back to the way they were the first 2-3 years of our marriage... But I'm not sure that's possible... I know that I've changed. I went from being subservient to confident and outspoken... Instead of a "whatever you say dear" attitude, I have strong opinions on the way things should be done. So suddenly I'm a bitch. And he, being very opinionated and stubborn, might not be able to handle that. Not for more than a week at a time, anyway.
I know that my parents would be happy to let me stay with them for awhile. They've never seen either of their granddaughters, and would love to get to know them. That's another thing that kills me about living here.... It's been 4 years since I've seen my family, and I'm stuck here with the inlaws from hell. *sigh*
Part of me just really wants to move back to Utah with my girls and start over. I'm still young (25) and attractive.... don't I deserve better? The question is... would it actually be better? Or would I be more miserable than I am now? and again, what about my babies? I just don't know.
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Posted by silverjeannie on 2007-11-21 07:11:49 | Rating: | Views: 98
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First let me say this.. you are strong! If you weren't strong you wouldn't have been able to tell your husband that in the first place.
Second, your kids deserve the best, if your husband isn't giving it, isn't willing to work on it - you do have the strength to leave. I'd wait and see if your words did what they needed to and help your husband change.
YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN!
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Posted by Whitters
on 2007-11-21 07:28:22
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First let me say this.. you are strong! If you weren't strong you wouldn't have been able to tell your husband that in the first place.
Second, your kids deserve the best, if your husband isn't giving it, isn't willing to work on it - you do have the strength to leave. I'd wait and see if your words did what they needed to and help your husband change.
YOU ARE A STRONG WOMAN!
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Posted by Whitters
on 2007-11-21 07:28:28
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Oops, didn't mean to double post
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Posted by Whitters
on 2007-11-21 07:28:54
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thank you for your faith in me. It's not that I think I can't leave... it's just that I don't know what's the best choice for my kids.
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Posted by silverjeannie
on 2007-11-21 09:49:15
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I find myself in a similar situation and really it isn't about strength at all. Of course we're strong but the question is what's the right decision? What's the right decision for you? For your babies? My babies are 2 and 3 and if it weren't for them, I'd be out the door and my husband knows this. I have come to the realization that I am not even in love with my husband anymore and I find that so sad-I wish I were but I'm just not. There is no connection between us anymore but my babies adore their dad and I want very much for them to grow up in a two-parent home. But, part of me thinks there is no way I can do this for another 16 years or whatever. I feel like I'm suffocating...slowly. So, sadly I don't have an answer but I wanted you to know you aren't alone.
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Posted by MsTam
on 2007-11-23 17:57:02
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I know exactly what you two are both talking about. I feel like I'm losing ME. In my house, if I say anything its a huge fight, so I don't say anything at all, and suddenly (or maybe not so suddenly) I don't have a personality anymore. There are so many times I have thought to myself that I would leave and never look back if I weren't 8 month pregnant. I dont know about you two, but I don't know what is right for my child. Will I be enough for her, by myself? I never wanted to bring my daughter into a broken home.
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Posted by AnnieK
on 2007-11-23 18:29:14
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