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Today was our Homecoming...I had fun, but there were times when I just wanted to burst into tears.
See, for the past year, I've been in love with my friend, Jason. He's cute, talented, smart, and funny. He's everything I've ever wanted and more. He knows more about me then any of my other friends, including my best friend Allie.
Last year, freshman year, he was dating this girl named Sally. He would always tell me how happy he was when he thought about her. Of course, I smiled and nodded, never showing my true feelings. Well, during this summer, we played 20 questions. And he asked me if I ever liked him. He knows when I'm lying so, I say yes.
I ask him the same question, and he told me yes. So, you can see that I was happy someone actually liked me, for me. Still, I didn't do anything about it because he was already dating someone.
Summer is almost over, it's middle of August, and all of a sudden Jason IMs me, talking about how Sally won't talk to him anymore. Being his friend, I tell him everything will be okay. A week later, they break up. It hurts him, but he and Sally broke up with each other because they thought they were better as friends.
Summer is over...School has started, and it's now September. Jason and I are talking online and somehow we're playing 20 ?'s again. We love playing that game ^L^ Anywho, he asked me easy questions like my favorite movie, my favorite type of soda...things like that, but then he changes his questions. He begins to ask me if I've ever dated...if I've ever kissed anyone...Of course, I tell the truth and say no to both.
Soon, he tells me that he likes me. I'm a bit if-y about this because...he just broke up with Sally...but I tell him I like him too. But, I told him I didn't want to pursue anything because one, I didn't want to ruin our friendship, and two, my mom won't allow me to date until I'm 16. Jason says that's cool...and we're okay.
Two weeks later, he asks me to going to a festival. I say sure because we're going to hang out with other friends. Well, two of my friends were going on a ride and the other was buying his tickets. So, that just left me and Jason.
We're talking...and his face gets closer to mine. I ignore it...for the first five times...but I don't know. He was telling me a joke, and I was laughing...and I didn't notice his face close to mine again. I couldn't deny it anymore...I liked him so bad...so, we kissed. Our first kiss and the start of our secret relationship.
Because I'm not officaily allowed to date untill I'm older, we couldn't hang out as much, alone. I always had to be in a group of friends. That caused a lot of tension...and he wasn't very happy about that, no matter how many times he told me he was fine, and that he understood. I knew he didn't. Jason asked me to homecoming...about three weeks before the dance. Of course, I said yes. We were very happy and we loved each other...We were going to dance the night away together...I was going to be in his arms the entire night, and I wouldn't want him to let me go for one second.
It took a while to figure out the plans, but...a week later, he told me that before the dance, we were going to go eat at a restaurant with his sister and her date, his brother and his date, and my friends Kim and Ryan, who were going together. Then after the dance, we would all hang out at his house.
I told my mom this, and she wasn't too happy. She said no to the before because she knows how clumsy I am...and that I'll probably spill something on my dress. She then said no to the after plans, because she didn't know Jason for one, and two...she didn't want me to go over some guy's house...she didn't know Jason, his sister or brother...and she barely knew Kim and Ryan.
I told Jason all of this. He gets upset...and...continues to ask me to persuade my mom. I already know she'll say no, but he..continues to pressure me. Saying he won't take no for an answer, and that he'll talk to his parents to talk to my mom to get me to go. I knew his parents talking to my mom would only make it worse. But, he didn't listen. A week before the dance, he talks to his parents.
He calls me on my cell, and says "I don't know how to say this...but I don't think we can go to homecoming together. You're a great girl and everything...and I hope we can still be friends." At first, I just thought....Oh, this is just about homecoming...no big deal. but then he continues "It's just...all the doubts...and the issues with your mom...It's just hard. I don't want you to think I want to go with another girl to homecoming. I'm sorry. I hope we can still be friends."
I knew it right then. He was breaking up with me.
I composed myself until I hung up. Then, I burst into tears. I knew it was going to happen. I should have waited until I was 16. Then we wouldn't have had all those problems. It was all my fault.
Since then, I've been miserable. He avoids me the best he can...barely saying two words to me, and never making eye contact. I know we can't be together....but I still want my friend back. It kills me to see him...and then it kills me not to see him. I'm so confused. I love him, but he doesn't even want to acknoldege that I exist.
Today at the dance, I said hi to him...and took his picture. He said hi back and asked me how I was. I said good, of course I'm not going to say "I feel miserable without you. Why won't you talk to me?!"
Homecoming was fun...except when the slow dances came...that's when I grew really depressed and ran out of there...I went outside and waited until two songs were over...before I came back in. I did it every time a slow dance came on.
So, I ask you...please give me some advice. I don't know what to do...and I'm afraid that I'm really not going to get over this. Sometimes...I really don't want to, and sometimes...like tonight, I wish I can get over him and move on...but I can't. Help
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Posted by silentroses on 2007-10-06 22:19:37 | Rating: | Views: 95
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its not the end of the world. your only 15 from what i can tell. if he cant be patient and wait for you to turn 16, then he isnt worth it anyways. guys are idiots. thats the bottom line. they were put on earth to give us headaches. period. i understand that in the whole process, you not only lost the guy, but you lost your best friend. but if he was turely your friend, he'd be able to forgive and forget and respect your mothers decisions. this probably wont help any. but your young. there are plenty of other guys out there. you may have to sift through a bunch of bad apples first, but you live and you learn. everything will be ok. =]
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Posted by saramarie7
on 2007-10-24 06:22:05
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