| View Blog
|
|
|
|
| Living it up in The Garden |
Every July I go camping at a folk festival with my best friend. Its the one time of year and only place in the world where I am free. Free from expectation, free from stress, free from myself.
It's a 4 hour drive from home. The final stretch through the mountains I start to get giddy with anticipation. Then familiar landmarks pass by and just when you think maybe your lost the festival jumps out of the trees and is spread before you. Acres and acres of open Fields with little tents spotting the mountainside. Then the festival tents all below form a tiny city or village. You leave your exhausted and frustrated self at the festival gate. You can feel that part of you cross her arms and sit in a huff out on the road. You enter the festival grounds pure and relieved. At the same time there is a slight resistance of truly letting go and you look back at what you have become this year and prepare to set it free.. Sometimes we cry. You can tell how bad of a year you've had by the amount of tears and fear you bring with you.
I missed a couple of years while I had my son and while my life spun out of control. When my son was 1 1/2 my friend mentioned that she was making plans to go to the festival. It was like a light bulb went on and I remembered that I had been forgetting to go. My first year back was like going home. After returning home I tattooed the festival symbol on my ankle to remind me to go no matter what. That was more that 5 years ago now.
The weather is unpredictable. We have had years where it pours the whole time. Mudslides, fires in 2006 and even a tornado in 2008. You haven't experienced weather until you have experienced it in a tent or car with no escape. Booming thunderstorms and lightning striking over your head. You can't help but feel slightly bad ass for surviving yet another night. You also acquire skills or summon forgotten problem solving techniques. I can tell which way the storm will blow and approximately how long we have until it's going to hit. When the dark clouds creep and roll out behind us, the storm is imminent. Unfortunately my friend doesn;t usually believe me and we often get soaked running for the tent.
The most important purpose of the weekend is music. There is music every where all day and into the night. It becomes a spiritual retreat. There is a band in particular that I see every year. Lowen and Navarro. I love them. They move me like few things can anymore. I came across them one year while walking down the main street of the festival village. There in a tent out of the way were some musicians jamming. The music was amazing and I just got this feeling that I was Witnessing something special. Later that night I saw the group on stage preforming the song they had been practicing. I felt so lucky and I was hooked from then on. One of the singers has the sexiest voice and if I close my eyes I can imagine us laying together while he sings to me. The festival is small enough where I could easily strike up a conversation with him but I get to nervous. I see him all weekend and I can't tell if it's my imagination or if he really does notice me. Sometimes I am so sure of it.
One year I had a romance with a man. We met on the last night although we had been camped by each other and were watching each other the whole weekend. He startled me when he reached over and caressed my arm. We cuddled in the song circle and he startled me again when he tilted my head back and kissed me. At this point in my life it had been years since I felt noticed by a man at all. It felt so good. I sat behind him and he reached back and put his hands up my long hippie skirt and was rubbing my in all the Right ways, right there in the circle. It was so hot. It still one of my favorite fantasies. Just as I was about to pull him into my tent, I heard someone shouting. "PUT IT OUT!" Just then a van parked 200 feet or so behind us burst into flames. The entire hillside had to be evacuated and we got separated. We found each other hours later under the volunteer tent they were allowing us to wait under. We had been with a whole group of people. When they let us back up to the campsite I was barefoot and covered in mud and it was morning. I had a camp shower new that year and after washing off I invited him into my tent. We spend the morning rolling around and rubbing on each other. We didn't have sex which is good because we would all be leaving in just hours and it would have been too hard to say good bye.
I thought about him all the time at first. Then less and less. He would still pop into my mind on lonely nights and helped me soothe my urges until the next year at the festival. We had all promised to meet back at the spot. SO when the time came to head to the festival I was so nervous and excited. We didn't see them for the first 2 days and I had just given up hope and accepted the fact that it was just a fling and I was going to have to let it go. My friend and I headed down to a concert when he called out to us. I was frozen and my friend shouted that we would come back after this concert we were going too.
We went to our camp site and changed. We ran over to their campsite and as soon as we reached their canopy the rain came. He threw is arms around me then dragged me behind the tent and started kissing and touching me all over...in the rain. It took me by surprise. I was happy that he was as glad to see me as I was to see him but it was all happening so fast. I told him to slow down and he retreated with a pout. A bit later while we were sitting with beers and good conversation I reached over to him with my foot and he took it. He told me he thought about me all the time. It was later that night in front of the fire talking with him I found out he was married. A smarter girl would have walked away right then but I was already in love. We spent the entire weekend in bliss and making love.
When the weekend ended and it was time to leave there was a quiet sadness in the air. I walked away with out saying good bye. I headed to the Sunday Lowen and Navarro concert. He came walking up the grass to me. We said goodbye and he gave me his email address which I secretly swore I would never use. Then we kissed a long goodbye on the grassy hill while the band played and he walked away. I sat crying for the rest of the concert. My skin burned from the tears I kept wiping away and the sun block that was supposed to be protecting me from that blaring sun.
I didn't think I would see him again but he called me almost as soon as he got home. We kept in contact so much that he had to get a secret phone. We even had a secret weekend in Scranton, PA. The most unromantic place ever but it was the half way mark. We talked about plans and he told me he was going to leave his wife. At first I believed him but after sometime past I realized that he wasn't going to ever. He wasn't going to move to NY, I wasn't going to move to NJ. We were doomed and in love.
It has been about four years now and he didn't come to the festival this year. He hasn;t called in over a month and I think he might be back in love with his wife which is good. I miss him, our daily calls and weekly phone sex. But he never was really mine.
This year the festival was a rebirth for me. Somethings in my life were different. It had been exactly 1 month since I was raped. My lover wasn't going to be there. I went up a day early. I couldn't get out of dodge fast enough. When I got there almost nobody else was there. I spent the whole night and next day resting. I think I took 10 naps that Thursday. Finally My friend arrived just before nightfall.
Everything was exactly the same. The weather made no exceptions or apologies. We spent the weekend up to our ankles in mud. We laughed at idiots daring to attempt to drive through the mud pits and watched to see which good samaritan would help push them out. I took a few spins in the dance tent. I got my annual Lowen and Navarro fix. This year it's just Navarro since the Lowen half has ALS and can no longer perform. It was no different for me. I was still sitting on the hill crying as he sang to me. He looked tired this year. He has been through allot with his friend being ill. I hope he comes back again next year. My life would not be the same with out him.
I try to hold on to the person I am and the life that exists on the hillside. It dwindles considerably during those 365 days but I do little things in my life to remind me. I wear a bandanna when I feel really lost and listen to my music often. We always say "See You Next Thursday."
|
|
Posted by silentdove on 2009-09-13 15:32:35 | Rating: | Views: 36
|
|
| |
|
|
Email This to a Friend 